....

2010-11-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

hey blog.
its been ages rite?
as always haha.

dunoe what made me feel like talking to the computer screen again.
but, after close to a year in ns.
so many things happened.
not just the dropped-my-pen-80million times but.
many, significant things.
i took.
so.
many steps.
and, im kinda still feeling around what other options have to offer.
in so many aspects.
im grappling hold of so many things,
while doing quite decently stayin afloat.

but.
sigh.
staying afloat.
has.
its, sacrifices.

Big Guy.
im thankful for all the goodness You've given me.
im so sorry for being the not-so-good person i hoped i cud.
lemme share this blog.
since i know no-one really knows my bloggie.

"i cant bear to not be able to return what it is ur givin,
or could give, to me.
id feel guilty.
im not that kinda guy
amd im sorry i probably made a too-good impression of myself"

Big Guy.
i dunnoe what You're planning.
but whichever the other party,
i know im gona have a bittersweet ending.

so.
to you.
not just you but you too.
especially you.
you who held my hands on your knees.
as i teared.
and said

im sorry.

whoever you are.

i really am.

2010-10-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

hiya blog.
sorry for the epic hiatus.

i dun feel like updating whats happened so far.
there are too many details that i wudn want to miss typing, that if i did in the 1st place haha.
so maybe not now yeah?

i just feel that.
inching closer to 20.
im growing old.
seriously.
in so many ways.
so much so that i can't be bothered.
to look at my feet.

to see if there are any stones.
or bricks.
or icky stuff u accidentally step on.
i feel like just going ahead.
so that i know what is at the end of my path.

despite watever shit that might come along the way.
you know.
hiding in bushes waiting to jump on you or sumthin.

i feel like taking all paths.

all.

evry single one of them.
i never
ever
wish to regret not knowing what would have happened if i took a different path.
pondering.
for the rest of my so-far-so-sane life.
not knowing what would have happened.

though somewhere deep inside.
somewhere.
just knowing so well the great things that otherwise would have occured.

the different path.
the different people you would have met.
the different things in which you did. own. created. remembered.

i want to know all that.
all of the what-would-have's.
even if the outcomes are bad.
at least i know the outcome.

regret what you didn't do
rather than regret what you did.

it's time to not look around in unnecessary, excessive, superfluous caution.
time to look forward without such worries too.
whatever happens.
i'll cross my fingers.
and hope.
that i would sound and feel genuine when i say :

at least i knew.

life is gona be full of regrets anyway.
might as well regret the way you want to.

2010-02-12T18:17:00.001-08:00

yeah i know im 800years late in updating about my ns life.
but still
HIYA BLOG!
missd u haha.

zhafri's tekong memoribilia.

guess in the end u turn to look back.
to find the beginning, the start of the track.

and along the way i made good friends.
some were annoying, others i could stand.

i was ever so constantly defending and fighting
the bees and mosquitoes and oh, whatever else that'd sting

such a strange environment such a different land
i look in the mirror and *gasp*, it's a different man!

a man who's bald and tanned and dark
i then scream "are you me? WTF?????!"

image's not a concern though cuz there weren't any girls.
i only had myself and my "wife", the rifle.

and when my baby shot, yes problems did arrive.
but im just glad i made it through shootings alive.

and not forgetting the extreme exhaustion and all.
and mind you, my bunk's on the 5th floor.

add that to my rifle my body overall and boots
they made u wish u cud juz be nude

they were so heavy and yet all in all
you bring them when you walk sleep or crawl

and not forgetting the oh-so unfogiving sun
i feels like ur being baked to a bun

and when the sun sets the moon is revealed
reminding u the ghost stories that gives u the chills

they say u wud hear weird sounds at night.
but so far GOD am i glad im alright.

then in the morning you wake up all tired and dead
your body's all sore like u juz kena raped

but in the end i can't really complain much u see.
cuz after all, im just in pes c.

so above all complains, blood, mosquitoes, tears and sweat
i now look back to consolidate the memories i've had.

tekong my dear this is the last of me.
for after next week,

i shall be free~

2010-01-17T03:21:00.000-08:00

hey blog!
phooooo.
have just njoyed my weekend break from 2wks confinement in
*thriller music effect*
TEKONG!!!!!

haha.
but thank God everything went quite fine.
just very tired.
people might have the impression that pes c ppl have a slack ns life.
well, i won't say they're wrong.
there are certain activities we do on a lighter scale,
like lesser running.
but everything else,
HOOOH

the marching the rifle practices and what not and the early morning exercises.
we're still dang tired no matter what.
additionally, im in section 4 of my company.
add 1 to 4 and ug et?
5 of course.
yes.
5.
evidently, that's my floor number.
to my bunk.

yes.
about 5 to 10 times a day we go back to our bunks.
yes.
multiply that to the fact that my bunk is on the 5th floor.

so yes.
my legs HAVE grown more huge.
and.
with the omg-to-the-max food at rocky hill(my ns school area)
i HAVE grown fatter haha.
by 2kg baybeh.

oooh!
look at the time.
i've to be off soon.
literally.
in 1hrs time.

and my bag is full of fooooood~
and skin care products toooooo~
haha.
that's zhafri for you.

hmm.
i shall treat u to a pic of my bald and tanned self soon.
but maybe not now.
rushing for time.
like that's umthin new in tekong HAH.

okhaiy bloggie.
have to be off then.

till then.
till then~

2009-12-30T15:38:00.000-08:00

omg blog.
its been effing ages hasn't it?
*yawns*
yeah its like 0738hrs right now.
i can't believe 2months back at this moment i'd be rushing to the school gate.

BUT!
the nostalgia isn't the reason im blogging this early in the day.
oh, ive been so tired doing so many things for the past like,
i dunnoe,
since hols started,
that i've been too tired and bz to blog.
not just going out sort of bz.
its the, paris-hilton's-shopping-day-bz sort of bz.
yeah.
it IS that bad.
but i HAVE to blog now before i enter ns.
okay okay.
yeh.
alot has happened.
lets get in summary pointers.

101 things that zhafri has had/been doing
a) hanging out with friends
b) karaoke.
c) hanging out with friends
d) shisha
e) hanging out with friends
f) shopping
g) hanging out with friends
h) clubbing
i) hanging out with friends
j) movies
k) hanging out with friends
l) torn-ing(is that the way its spelled?)
m) hanging out with friends
n) gym-ing.
o) hanging out with friends.

and the list goes on...
and if yo're wondering why the repetition,
well itz cuz hanging out with friends is a diverse activity in its own right.
catching up, bitching, camwhoring, gossipping, chilling etc.
omg, and my eye bags OH.
as if they're not obvious enough.
oh yeah.
and im not entering ns on 6feb, but nx mon.
yep.
nx mon.
what?
oh, that's 3 days from now.
what?
oh, i got to know 3 days ago.
what?
yeah it's the momma-father of ALL short notices PLEASE.

i am SO not prepared.
that's why im spending so much time(and money and sweat and tears and energy and it's possible relatives of the sort)
chillin as much as possible bcuz i have that much time,
THAT much time left.
can u see it?
can you?
*shows an invisble gap between fingers*
can you?
can you?
EXACTLY!
THAT is how much time i have left before TEKONG!
*gasps*
oh God.
save me.

i'll probably upload the pics on the nx post.
but most of the pics are in facebook.
yay, like congrats to me for finally creating a facebook.
a caveman would look at me and laugh at my rate of appreciating technology.
seriously, he'd laugh.
and tell all his other cavedudes to laugh as well.
but laugh all you want.

I.
have got a facebook to attend to.

hm hm.
till then blog.

till then~

2009-12-16T20:35:00.000-08:00

hey blog,
and my prophecy never fails to come true as it is.
i am officially in a dilemma again.

u see, when b4 the op the doc said that,
id propbably recover in 3mths, enuf time for my ns.
bt, after issuing a letter that was meant for the ns authorities,
(which presumably is something i was not supposed to read.)
i realized at the final bit of the letter, it said
".....and vigorous exercises should best be avoided for at least one year"

blog.
its not 3 months.
its not 6.
not 9.
its 12 mths.
its 1 year.
1 friggin year.
if i enter as scheduled, i will become a clerk.

but.
given a yr break from physical activities, why not just enter ns nx yr?
might as well enter nx yr since its conveniently 1 year of break.

why God?
why?
why give me this break?
it's like you're giving me time for another year of A lvls.
"might as well take A lvls while you're free"
some would say.

why God?
why give me this 1 yr break?
why 1 year specifically?
itss like, it's so conveniently laid out for me to
option 1) be free from all phy activities throughout the whole of ns.
option 2) retake my a lvls while being free as a clerk.
option 3) enter ns the following year and have a year to do something.

to do what?
to do what?

*sigh*
God.
i know ive always complained about the tortures of ns.
th sweat. the stink. the suffering.
bt.
to be completely free from it.
what are you trying to make me do?

to think of it, even though i initially didnt want such ns torture,
i sorta, want a normal.
life.
it's always been eccentric.
maybe i shudn say that.
but.
some wud say
"its a golden opportunity! jump at it!"
yeah, being free from phy stuff, has always seemed like what i wanted.
but now that i think of it.
i dun wanna waste nx life behind a desk arranging documents.
despite the sweat, blood, tears and torture,
it would all result in bonding.
the people.
its gives a social life.
the pain.
it gives nostalgia.

i want that.
its like im turning my back to a golden opp.
but.
i want that ns life.
the social life.
the boyhood.
the bond.
the nostalgia.

which means i've to postpone and enter nx year.
then what do i do in this 1 year break?

just what is it that you're tryna make me do God?

is the 1yr for me to reflect?
sheila suggested that.
maybe its also to find what i want in life.
i dunnoe God.

do you want me to enter pj again and retake my alvls?
OMG that'd be so awkward.
i know my results are not excellent.
but probably not that good either.
but coming into school?
new classmates and everything oh.
but taking private?
individual study?
notes-less?
that's difficult.

God.
i don't know what you're tryna make me do or realize.
but i know one thing.
there's always a reason why things turn out the way it does.
it's a matter of whether we get to know it or not.

but for this.

you bet i deserve to know.

credits to ziana songs.

2009-12-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

dihanyut arus lah untuk ku berpaut.
di mana ku temui.
penawar ini.
mengharap lagi.

terbukalah kembali.
mekar,

semula.

sesungguhnya.
kau ku sanjung tinggi.
bererti.
hanya kau di hati.
sayangnya kejernihan cinta.
yang mencermin se-ti-a.
kau keruhkan.
warnanya.

kau keruhkan, warnanya.
kau keruhkan, warnanya.

ku ke-ruhkan.

war-na-nya.

a very VERY long post.

2009-12-05T20:24:00.000-08:00

hey blog!
im a bit better now.
at least i can move about more.
just that my arm can't, like, move haphazardly at extreme angles.

other than that, im as per normal!
except, you know, the patch of dressing.
but otherwise im much better now haha.

okay well, blog lemme tell you abt my operation.
*stomach growls suspiciously*
i always feel like shitting everytime i get excited.
ergh. hang on yeah.

back!
oh how fast was that?
5mins?

okay,
so b4 i got into the op theatre,
the nurse had to poke me with this thing.
so that a tube could connect to it and send the anaesthetics into my bloodstream.
yeah, that otherwise unfortunately sharp thing.
she searched for a vein to poke it into, on my left hand.
so i kep quiet while not looking, and she was like
"wah not bad leh you...*something**something*..good ns"
i was like, erm, okay.
so it was like left there for half an hour.
she came back.
"sorry, your operation is on your left shoulder right?"
"oh God." i knew it.
"yeah, i made a mistake.
"oh God no." i knew it.
"it should have been on the right one instead"

hello?
HELLO?
what do you think my veins are?
painless, plain dough, you just poke into for fun?
"um, okay, but can't you just make me asleep st b4 poking it the 2nd time?"
"i'll consult my senior, and hopefully we'll make you sleep 1st"

okay lah,
i didn't wanna cause a ruckus over being poked at wrongly.
it didn't hurt that much anyway.
just that, you know, the feeling of something sharp in you?
eeeh*shivers*

yeah, so once in the op theatre the doc put this gas thing over my mouth.
and i wasn't falling asleep yet.
in my heart i was like why am i not falling asleep?
i do NOT want to be AWAKE when the OPERATION IS GOING ON!
HELLO!
as if reading my mind the main surgeon connectd a tube to the thing that was poked in me.
i felt the fliuds flowing in, as if my veins were growing fatter,almost exploding.
i remember something like
"you'll feel a bit of pain"
as he started to let the fluids flow.
then *POOF*
it was all dark man.
it was damn cool lah plz.

the nx moment i woke up with a nurse in front of me.
she was like,
"do you feel pain?"
i thought it was a joke.
my left arm was really feeling weird and different by then.
so i kept quiet.
she asked again.
so i was like
"of course lah nurse haha"
laughing but in a dazed manner cuz i was like half-conscious at that time.
another nurse came in wanting to show what was removed,
and then left murmurin
"we'll wait until he's properly awake"
it was like, a surreal experience i tell you.
like, i was high.
high and sub-conscious and muttering chinese to a malay nurse.
and she was like
"speak malay dear, im a malay"*in malay*
i was like, what? i spoke chinese?
then the earlier nurse came in again to show me the tumor.

it ws like, a lump, with bits of myself around it.
myself meaning my flesh.
and it was contained in a diluted bloody solution.
i was like,
"um, okay."
"do you wanna show it to your parents?"
"um, no, my mom would get shocked"
"haha okay"

a doctor came in.
"any pain?"
okay, this has got to be a joke. a big one with the hidden cameras to surprise you.
"of course lah doctor"
"but is it bearable?"
"well, yeah, i guess."
"you need painkillers?"
for some reason, i said
"no"
a nurse came in.
"you were supposed to fast since 12mn ytd right?"
"yeah, um, 11.55"
"haha. would you like some milo?"
"nno its okay, im fine."
okay.

5 mins later.

"would you like some milo? you havent had anything right?"
"no its okay nurse, im fine haha."
"you need painkillers?"
"no its okay im quite fine nurse."
and for the 3rd time she insisted i had milo.
"you hate milo?"
"um, no. just that, you dont have to trouble yourself"
"we wanna see whether you'd vomit."
"oh, if thats the case then okay then."

so the malay nurse came with a a tray of milo and biscuits.
she then explained my mc had my name spelled wrongly.
so i was like
"thanks, and it's okay nurse, im nt working so i don't need the mc"
she insisted that the mc was important and was panicking at my wrongly-spelt name.
muh zhafri.
well apparently the d ran away from the keyboard.

"it's okay" for the 90millionth time
"its fine, and yeah im fine without the biscuits and without the mc"
she smiled.
"wouldn't it be great if all patients were like you?"
i just smiled.
well, i never knew patiens would get angry without their milo and biscuits and properly spelt mc.
oh come on your mc has your nric number on it right?

so when i was discharged(on the day itself)
i was still in the patient uniform, and had to change.
so another nurse sorta, hugged me all the way to the toilet.
she was like " don't walk so quickly!"
and im like "um, are you gonna hug me all the way?"
she laughed and left me in the toilet.
well apparently she thought i needed help walking, but i was quite fine UNTIL...
GOD i tell you, the moment i wanted to wear my shirt,
my arm was like effing effing f f.
but it was bearable.
just that i cudn move it.

then i rejoined with my parents outside,
my mom who was a bit annoyed at being told she cudn be shown the removed tumor in case she got shocked.
my father. well, just being himself.
cool and laughing and like "you look like you're gona faint" *sarcastically*
yeah, thanks.
i dunnoe how much blood i lost, how many nerves and veins and muscles were torn.
and that was exactly what i wanted to hear.
haha.
but both my parents were fine of course.
sufficiently concerned from my father's part, and excessively from my mom.
naturally.

when i got home i felt very queasy and wanted to vomit anytime i ate.
but those are fine.
they did warn me of sore throat, gum damage and nausea.
but i hadn't had anything.
there wasn't anything to vomit out anyway.

so, some days later here i am now.
i had 7 stitches.
oh yeah and you knw what?
the stitches are usually black right, and mine are like,
sky blue.
yeah thanks doc, i do look like a 7yr old right.

sooooo, after that very long post.
i wish you to wish me well okay blog.

ive to be off to wish shawn ang hpy bdae haha.

till then,
toodles~

2009-12-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

hey blog!

i

am

typin

with

my

right

hand

alone

right

now

because

my

leftie's

hurting

abit.

lemme try.
oohoooh.

okay cool.
now im using both hands after elevating my chair to a ridiculous height,
so that my left arm duzn have to bend alot.

yeah!
so "the big day" on my calendar arrived yesterday and finally had my surgery.
had my tumourous "brother" on my left shoulder removed.
docs said it was benign ie non cancerous but still said it should have been removed.
well, it isn't cancerous now.
but if cancer cells ever wish to pop up in me,
then the tumour would have been a convenient extravaganzalicious bomb for them.
well, the lump would have basically been an invitation for cancer to happen,
if the cancer cells ever notice the lump.

well, it's not that difficult for possible cancer cells to notice the lump.
and jump at the opportuinity anytime they wish.
not that i do have cancer cells.
but better remove their bomb before they'd possibly pop up in me.

chapter 1

cancer cell : hey sugar pie. noticed u sitting there. wanna make out?
lump: oh, you're kinda hot. yeah, ive been sitting motionless for ages anyway.
cancer cell : wow, you're such an invitation. yum.
*makes out*

chapter 2

lump : honey, im now cancerous.
cancer cell : what? youre..you're pregnant?
lump : yes honey, ive got 80million-plets baby cancer cells now!
cancer cell : oh im such a happy father!

chapter 3

baby cancer cells : let's go infect zhafri's whole body!

CUT!
CUT!!!
I'M the director of that snippet okay.
so before the lump and possible cancer cell do make out,
i'd rather have the lump removed.

um do you get it blog?
*forces computer screen to nod*
wow, you are so attentive.
*sinister smile*

so i'll update the details of my op on the nx post.
once i feel better.
wish me a happy recovery okay blog!
chao~

long looong post.

2009-11-25T07:27:00.000-08:00

hey blog!
despite the exclamation mark i AM quite a tired person right now.

*yawns*

it was a very long and

oh sorry i got distracted by an itch.

where was i?
oh YES!
oh it was one HECK of a long day.

it all started off when sheila,
in name of all randomness,
txted me saying that there would be
an interview for topshop part-timers on the afternoon of 25th nov,
which if you have not noticed was today.

yes.
today.
so in all panic i called saiful to inform of the job "lobang"
and rushed off to get ready.
only to realize that i have not
1) ironed ANY clothes.
2) got any proper colourless lenses to wear.
3) showered.

so after all the preps
(which drew the suspicion of my parents cuz i literally randomly woke up and started panicking)
i wanted to get ready with my face preps when my liquid foundation slipped.

1) yes, it was new.
2) yes, i do have a liquid foundation mind you.
3) it was my first time using one.
4) it splattered all over :
4a) the wall.
4b) the floor.
4c) my shirt.
4d) my jeans.
4e) me.

convenient?
well it's just another that's-so-zhafri thing.

heck that.
so i finally met sheila abit late(after bargaining for 5 more mins)
and went off for the topshop-topman interview at kovan.
yeah, i've never heard of kovan before either.

but we reached a place callled, what, windthayng?
idunnoe.
there were LOTS of people.
do notice how "lots" is italicized and in bold and in caps lock.

so we had a group interview,
sheila with shu yuan in one group,
me stuck with 3 girls in another.

i definitely stood out,
cuz i talked most and was most confident.
well, apart from being oldest.
they were all secondary school fresh-graduates.
BUT!
they ALL had working experience.
so i lost out BIG TIME for that part.

*sigh*

i know they want retail experience,
but i hope they gimme a chance.
they'll call me nx week if i gt shortlisted.

so i'll wait.
and wait.
and wait *echo*
and wait *echo more*
and wait *echo even more*
*and echo continuously*

*sigh*
i dunnoe if they wud call me.
but i 'll hope for the best.
just like im doing for a lvls.

hope buddy.
God aside you are my only other salvation.

that aside, as i wanted to leave(it was alr about 4)
we got lost, finding the bus-stop, me and sheila.
yes, another its-so-zhafri situation.
oh, to add on,
1) sheila's ez link card was showing a bit of an attitude problem
2) we alighted at outram park by mistake cuz we got carried away talking.
3) i arrived home close to evening only to realize i havent packed my notes that fizah wanted
4) packed and filtered perpetually....
5) rushed to send them over(i insisited)

and am now sitting in my crummy room blogging.

*eyes growing heavy*
oh i need to catch up with my beauty sleep.

*yawns*

oh, long day blog.
loooong day.

so till then blog.
i'll have to catch up with sleep.
toodles~

2009-11-22T22:04:00.000-08:00

blo-
*stomach grumbles*

ergh, nature's call.
i swear if i don't move in 2 seconds ill crap right here.
*stomach grumbles again*
ergh..
can you hear that?
the excitement of the holidays.

the freedom.

the liberty.

it begins.

2009-11-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

Assurance Would Be Enough

i yearn, for something i fear to grab.
the commitment, the nostalgia, the emotions.
the heavy clinging feels in my throat.
i yearn for all that.
so that im not hollow. void. echo.
bt im not taking a step forward.
not yet.
or maybe never will.
i want that heaviness in my heart.

i yearn for something i hesitate to delve into.
i don't know what it would give.
would it give me what i want?
would it?
the 100% of it.
would it?
would it?

i want to die feeling content.
once.
just once.
a whiff of it.

the assurance, within.

that would be enough~

-zhafri(1990-God knows when)

2009-11-20T21:12:00.003-08:00

hey blog!
A lvls are FINALLY over for me
*phew*
bt now the moment of waiting commences.

*sigh*
i know im nt gona get excellent results.
screwed up my gp essay for the first time.
and it had to be during a lvls.
there goes my A or B for gp.

i lost a lot of marks for maths too.
my only hope is moderation.
i'll be beyond euphoric and thankful to God if i ever gt a C.

well, i srewed up econs essay too.
didnt have the right content.
bt case study was fine.
*sigh*
there goes my B for econs.

and mly lit,
for the first time,
was not easy.
language section was not difficult, but was not easy.
for the first time it was not easy.
bt the lit section,
oh God.
it was beyond difficult.
i rrrrreally hope i gt an A for it.
its my only salvation.

as for english lit,
well,
it sounds repetitive bt i kinda screwed it up too.
well,
sounds like a dark future huh?
well, i dun mind retaking.
or exploring other options.
im open and sufficiently liberal =)

when people say that the last batch of the old syllabus would have difficult exams,
they really meant it.
oh God my only salvation right now is You and moderation.

and oh yeah,
BIG SHOUT-OUT TO ALL WHO WISHED ME!
even though my birth day has passed quite sum time ler.
sheila just passed me n Escada's Men Eu De Toilette set.
nice cologne plus this nice smelling wash.
she passed it to me after my last paper yesterday,
cuz she cudn pass the present anytime before that.

talk about FREEDOM and SURPRISE at the same time haha.
im lucky i end quite early.
but i wish all the other peeps the best for their further exams.

so blog!
cheers to the end of A lvls, fresh blogskin, and holidays.
that is until i think about my horrid results 2 seconds later.
*sigh*

bt im over that.
i know my results already.
what's important is what i do after that.

life, you never fail to be eccentric for me.
so cheers too,
for the prohecy of my life,
for being as eccentric as can be.

so till then blog,
till then.

2009-10-31T23:16:00.000-07:00

blog.

tomorrow.
it's my first a lvl paper.

and i am finally panicking.

and finally revising.

ps : this is gonna be so classic.

2009-10-22T03:02:00.001-07:00

a bit more.
just a bit more.
then u get to open the doors of freedom.

sounds cliche?
humph.
i wont open it.

i'll ram through.

2009-09-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

hey blog!
i havent posted anything for like 800years.
i guess id just showcase the different hairstyles i had.

well theoretically they're diff.
but they still revolve around the same idea.

yeah.
my hairstyle.
it changes.
but is essentially the same.

but people.
people my dear.
some change.

some never.

and some.

are worse than ever

on that note of zhafri's-typically-ambiguous-one-liners-that-slaps-only-those-guilty-of-it,
i add, selamat hari raya.

ps : still have got lyk 450thousand relatives to visit.
you know malays. even 1 month of hari raya is not enough to cover everyone.

chao!

2009-08-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

OH NO!
i just realized my previous post is
WAY depressing.

well He MUST have a reason for giving us life.
it ought to be something.
at least for that,
we should cherish the past, present and future.

ultimately,
i think we should live life,

for the magic that it has to offer,
before we finally see the junction saying

The End.

Before my final page,

i wanna make sure

im some helluva book.

*winks*

ps : and no people.
im not gona die so soon.

i hope the Big Guy duzn take me so soon.
cuz i still have a helluva lot to do.
*smiles*

2009-08-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

everybody lives for the future.
it seems like,
nobody ever lives for the present.

we all rush.
rush like mad.
to get the As.
to get the job.
the promotion.
the money.

for the future we say.
it's healthy.
humph.
is it?
is it really?
the obsession?

have we even got time to look?
to stop.
to stop and stare at the present.
hasn't it got any value?

WHY DON'T WE LIVE A BIT FOR THE PRESENT?
for what we have now.
why?
why not?

ignoring the present,
what do we do?
we continue looking forward.
to live for the road.
to live for the coming paths.
to live for the the later tunnels.
to live for what lies ahead.

but you know,
what lies ahead,
is only,
a junction saying

The End.

living for the end?
that's sick.

that's right.
you modernites.
live,
to,
die.

- zhafri rahman (1990-God knows when)

2009-07-10T05:22:00.000-07:00

blog!
this post is a tribute to tarian.
aka malay dance.
and of course.
all the pics that has to do with it.

the dinner.
the practices.
or.
just plain fooling ard.

*cheers*
to good memories not to be forgotten.

2009-06-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

i thought i shared with farah sumthin quite nice just now.

she is not my other half.
she is my 4th quarter which i lost and found bits of scattered all over. bits of mirrors dont really show a reflection unless whole. i'll wait till the day im done glueing all of them together.
then i'll see her.
my other half.

humph.
and i wonder who that'd be.
she must be one helluva unique girl.

whoever you are.
i hope you know how to masak ayam lemak gulai sepat nenas once i marry you okay.

till then,
c ya blog!

2009-06-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

damned muscle ache patches.

they don't exactly come with signs saying

CAUTION! WILL REMOVE HAIR ONTO REGION APPLIED!

now my right leg has got bald patches that seemed like :
oh one fine day zhafri decided to wax his legs. oops, i mean right leg only. halfway done he suddenly had amnesia and fell asleep. he woke up the next day and resumed with his life.

ergh ive got so many things that go wrong in my life that its become a norm.
u know like, hangered shirts and shorts i touch at shopping malls just love to fall on me.

and my maths paper juz now, oh God. it's not like it's sumthin new for me to lose 38marks juz cuz i didn do the questions. yeah yeah. yup. definitely not sumthin new.

well, for whatever that i wrote was worth, im thanking God every moment for having given me the brains to at least know how to do some of the questions.

but im just glad most of my midyear papers are over.

my brain's tired rite now.

exhausted to say the least.

*yawns*

nyam nyam.
nyam nyam nyam.

till then blog.
tc.
and wish me
*yawns*
luck... for...
*snores*

*snores* *snores* *snores*

2009-06-07T01:24:00.000-07:00

QUACK!
hello blog.
hmm. im a bit hungry.
hang on.
i'll go cook some noodles.
BE RIGHT BACK!

BACK!
whoh.
nyam nyam yummy.
hang on.

*slurps*
*gobbles*
+
*all the unpleasant sounds of zhafri eating*

oh God that hits the spot.
*with mouth full of food*
anw blog!
i've been abit unwell latetly.
got this hoorrrrrrible flu which keeps on coming back.
and my voice, God.
It sounds so horrible.
that when i sneeze,it like, it sounds like elephant sex.
and don't bother imagining.

that aside,
i still continued my holiday activities.
my family had a whole-family bowling outing yesterday.
and it was embarassing to the MAX i tell you.
i was being bimbotic as always, picking out balls that seem glamorous enough.
then i threw the ball, in like, an awkward way.
BUT
the best was that i was like doing it alongside pros in neighbouring lanes.
they looked at me and gasped with the, with the,
"OMG IT'S RAINING CAMELS" sort of look.

heck them.
i finally picked up and left scoring a 94!
*applause*
oh thank you thank you.
and they left with like, 225 or sumthin.

whatever.
it's my life not theirs.
if I were a bowler, is that what it's called?
anw, yeah, if i were one,
i'd have like scored 967 or sumthin.
and stuffed dinah's crutches in their faces for glory.

anw, im supposed to be helping my one of my students.
in like pet society.
yeah dude pet society.
the whole world seems to be playing it.
yeah im helpin cuz im bored.
and she has to do lotsa homework.

which reminds me.
of the unappealing hump of books and holiday assignements which i've yet to touch.
they've been there collecting dusts.
and supporting some family of spiders along the way.

God, i know people either get busy living,
or they get busy dying.
right now im doing neither.
im just whining.

*sigh*
till then blog.

till then~

2009-05-22T05:22:00.000-07:00

hey blog!
i think i could somehow manage my otha subjects but MATHS is just...
*grumbles*
argh.

maths is the only subject that slaps me in the face and gets to run away with it.
opefully by the hols i could manage to slap it back.

ANYWAY!
good news : i've grown half a kilo heavier.
meaning: currently am 56.5kg.
translation : zhafri is a happier guy.

at this point. nothing's literal.

anyway, i dunnoe whether i should invest.
i can never get over being such a not-so-ideal steady.
maybe it's worth a try.
key word : maybe.

rather than not trying.
keywords : rather than not trying.

well.

we'll see.
key word : will.
action word : see(only)
inferrence : intentionally passive?

i dunnoe.

we'll see.

2009-05-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

manusia, semua-nya
tiada, lepas seksa.
bahgia tidak datang sendiri.
Jika manusia tiada cari.

dude.
i am once again in love with classical malay poetic songs.

2009-05-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

allloooooo blog!

it's been aaaaaaages hasn't it.

haha anw, updates
1) did horrible in my napfa cuz i had fever + viral infection.

2) lost a bit of wieght due thanks to the 2 week flu-fever.

3) given lit j1 college award for college day.

4) sudden inclination for new stuff(pending explanation)

well, not much to say bout 1 and 2.
i've never been the fittest guy around.
but oh, i did okay in standing broad jump though haha.
got an A fer it.

as for 3, it can totally unexpected.
it's not as if i've been topping the skcool fer lit.
maybe it's the top 10percentile?
i dunnoe.
if it's via teacher's recommendation, haha.
ferget that thought.
i've always been the one to pon lots(and i DO mean lots)
of lit lessons. heck, and skool altogether anyway.
i dunnoe.
bt still, thank you God.
It's really, um.
yeah. unexpected.

ANYWAY!
it's number 4 that i'v been ranting to my mom about.
I don't know why but i've got this sudden twinge for thai drama movies and british punk rock these past week.

ye know what?
there was this humble thai movie called taloompuk which i quite enjoyed.
it was at a southern thai village where most of the villagers were muslim.
BUT!
the point is there was this muslim thai(HOT muslim thai) girl(called sakinah) that fancied this non-muslim thai guy(called prao)
BUT
was already pre-destined by her parents to marry an imam's son
BUT
the imam's son such a bitch to this prao guy cuz he killed the prao guy's friend and father out of jealousy
BUT
was prejudiced as the murderer instead of the imam's son cuz no one dared to say a word.

SAD RYTE!!!!!
AND!
the thing was what in really liked about the whoooole thing was the genuine love btw people of diff religion thingie
AND
the prao guy, with a certain degree of good looks, though slightly scrawny, reminded me of well, ME!

i dunnoe.
well, everything ended when this storm and tsunami hit the village.
well, almost evri1 died.
and OH!
the prao guy saved the imam's son, only to be killed by him.
SAD RYTE!!
and then and then the evil imam's son died of course.
yeah i KNEW God was so ITCHING to kill him in a bad way cuz he got swept by an exaggeratively huge( and effects-enhanced) wave.
yeah.
i loved that part.

ANYWAY!
the prao guy died cuz he got poked on the tummy with some wood by the evil guy.
BUT!
the saddest part was when there were dead bodies scattered throughout the village(plus the sad-music sound effect).
but the prao guy's body wasn't found.
only the muslim headgear, a songkok haji given to him as a present by the sakinah girl, was found in a puddle.

she held it.

cried.
and cried.
and cried a bit more.
took some breath.
and cried a bit more.
and got up.
and cried a little bit more i think.
and wanted to cry still, but hesitated cuz her eyes mite have popped out any second.

it was sad lah.
the guy was so kind.
even though he's non muslim.
but he had to die.
ergh.
and the 1 who reminded me of ME HAD to die.

well, yeah so much for the drama.
but i genuinely enjoyed it, cuz the love, the romance,
wasn't the over-the-board sorta romance.
it was genuine.
really. touching too.
and real.
and didnt look fake.

the prao guy, really.
really reminded me of myself in some ways.
i was.
really.
reminded.

ok.

well.
let's.

stop.

stop there.

YEAH!
anw i've got this sudden tway-nge( pronounced as twinge with a slang)for british young punk rock these days.
explains the sudden spill of british punk in my phone music.
it injects this sense of naughty+wild+boyishness that i sorta missed.
that i sorta dumped since my greenridge days.
that i dumped for this bitchiness that i adopted to survive in college life.

humph.
but now.
i don't bloody care anymore, as the brits would say it.
remember my previous post?
well.
it'd be nice to be who i was.

if it be true.

i'll accept it.

reminders are always nostalgic.

till then blog.

till then~

2009-04-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

hey blog.
Starting monday.
My character.
Shall be as it was.

I think it's better that way.

Ready.

Go.

2009-04-09T05:06:00.000-07:00

hey blog!
it's been a while hasn't it.

by the way,
i haven't been very well for the past few days.
and i didn't want to complain publicly to much.
cuz i'd sound too much like a crybaby haha.
but i think i went on ranting to my victims :

Dinah, arif(ie arrrep), aisyah, fad and God knows who else that : i had fever.
and that i couldn't move properly.

well at least only my mom knew more than that.
the day before syf for malay dance judging, i had a horrible fever but went to school anyway.

yes blog.
me.
school.
when im sick.
yes it's true.
yes im not lying.
yes.
rare?
yes.
hell yeah rare.

well ultimately i think i did well enough despite being unable to lift my arm, my right leg, or move hinge to the left side of my back, and oh, the pain on the left side of my neck. and yes, my left wrist. i couldn't twist it. my family members rarely get fevers. and the thing is, when we do, it's exaggeratively horrid.

yeah.
well bloggie thanks for lending your ears to my rants.

despite all that, i think im friggggin glad that we got gold fer syf. i tried to look healthy and be healthy then. but well. i cudn perfrom as good as i wanted too.

oh well.

what to do(in a malay accent)
that aside, it's a gold baybeh.
that's all that counts.

for whatever my bit of the 5mins dance performance was worth, i don't think i'd deserve the gold.
but for the efforts, sweat, blood, tears, pain, dirty laundry and bird poops that we had to face

damn we deserve it.

and blog.

i think,

i shouldn't just throw my old self away.
it might come in handy in these times.
have been too damn obliging.

old volatility baybeh.

here i come~

2009-03-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

hey blog!

all i'd say is that,
with regards to lollipops,
there are 3 sorts of people in the world.

1) those who genuinely enjoy it.

2a) those who look cute with it.

2b) and those (who try but) don't.

emphasis on the word try

there there we all know you could do better than that.
oh, maybe we thought wrong?

hm hm.
try to be more subtle.
cuz i've got eyes.
and it pains me.

oh. ouch.
ouch.
it still hurts trying to get the sight out of my head.
oh the pain. oh...my eyes...

there there.
im a nice guy.
we know it.
you know it.

don't make me draw my lines?
otherwise cinderella's stepmom is a ribboned kitty beside me.

ooo.
i wonder if you're gona remember.
hihi.
issues are meant to be settled.
never to be forgotten.

*smiles*

till then.

*toodles*

2009-02-26T03:24:00.000-08:00

hello.
i wish i was a uni lecturer by day, model by name and night club singer by night, where i would be married with ziana zain and be living life happily with my quadraplets who are named Qalby, Alsagoff, Melur and Siti Elizabeth the tenth.

but i am not.

i am zhafri.
a dude.
with so much more.
and i am half content with that.

and i shall never be fully content.

with my life.

until i find perfection in myself.
for my ms right.
until i find perfection in my senses.
for my own satisfaction.
until i find perfection in my life.
for my humility.

until that happens.
know me as the zhafri that would have random panic attacks syndrome and one that wears the mat-ish lotto bag who is not afraid to put on a froggie cap in orchard road and act aneroxhic along the way while enjoying my sickeningly sweet vanilla ice blend and being questioned by the police only to shoot them in their faces and say

This is my story.
what's yours?

2009-01-18T00:28:00.000-08:00

hey blog!
am eating chicken rice right now.
and i just dropped a grain on the keyboard.
great.
hang on.

oh.
and there's hair in the rice too.

and i said to myself.
what a wonderful world.

oh it's not hair, just a very small strand of shredded lemon grass.

OKAY!
that aside, as usual. lots happened.
had malay dance performance.
lit test on the unseens(bad bad bad)
and some usual misadventures.

take a look.

well i had tarian performance.
ie, malay dance performance.
this was in between our scheduled timeslots.

oh, some fun at ikea.
me, farid, dinah, aisyah and adib.

the misadventures of:
aisyah and zhafri in the:
mystery of the mcs cupboard.

oh, posing at ikea's array of
toilet displays.

and the guys' turn.

and plain me.
being a mat kampong.

well lots happened.
can't really keep track of everything.
but juicy things are up ahead blog.

for that.
i keep my eyes open.
my prayers often.

for things to go well.
and end well.

without.

lacking the sizzle.

till then blog.

till then~

2009-01-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

hey blog.

i feel sleepy.
i could like nyam.. nyam nyam.......

*dozes off*
*snores*

huh? what? oh!

it's been an hour already.

gotta go shower now blog.

see you.
*yawns*

no fingers. just being general haha.

2008-12-15T07:52:00.000-08:00

WARNING :
THIS IS ONE OF THE THIRTEEN POSTS THAT IN ALL HAVE BEEN IN OCCASIONS OF TOTAL DELETION OR ABRUPT TAKE-BACK. CONTENTS IN SUCH POSTS HAVE AROUSED CONTROVERSIES BEFORE AND IT IS UP TO YOUR INDIVIDUAL MENTAL LOGIC TO REALIZE THAT THE AUTHOR OF THIS POST IS IN NO WAYS THAN ONE BIASED IN HIS STATEMENTS AND THAT THEY ARE MADE EITHER THROUGH THOROUGH THOUGHTS IN OBSERVATIONS OR FISRTHAND EXPERIENCE. SO IF YOU WISH TO SEE AN OPINION THAT IS NOT YOURS, PROCEED. IF YOU DISAGREE, LOOK AT THE TOP RIGHTHAND CORNER OF YOUR SCREEN AND I HOPE YOU FIND CONTENT WITH THE CUTE RED BUTTON THAT CALLS FOR YOU. OTHERWISE.

ENJOY......

*in whispers*

hey blog~

*with mask on*
now you see me....

*mask removed*
now you don't.

no no it's not a typo error.
hehe.
an analogy you should go figure.

it's been a while since i've come up with something touching danger.
no not something dangerous.
just.
something scary. illicit.
i'll call this one :

masks.

we all wear them.
we hear people talk about it all the time.

he's wearing a mask.
she's soooo masked.
that's such a mask.

now what is important really?
it's not just about the mask.
it's about the mask.
knowing that people wear it is not important.
knowing it.
is.

many wear one mask.
some wear two.
others three.
their identity always hidden.
unknown.
unseen.

some claim that they are open. honest. genuine.
and that masks are for nonsense-losers.
hmmmm.
naughty not not.

no-nonsense it is my dear.
none at all.

it's not always a bad thing to wear masks.
some serve for the better good.
others.

hm hm.

we ALL wear it.
Not for superficial facade-ish reasons alone.

We wear it.
in times we wish not others see our problems.
in times we wish not others see our weaknesses.
in times we wish not others.
see us.

having the mask is not important.

it's how you use it.

the thing is.
there are 3 types of masks.

the plain ones,
to hide emotions not meant to be known.

the coloured ones,
to keep things running smoothly, everyday.

and the third.

a rare. transparent one.
for schemes.
that only God.

knows.

Go figure.

so children.
know the reason.
for every thing that is on earth.
each serves a purpose.

masks are invisible to the naked eye.
you might think you see a face.

but if you look again.
you might just see.
a little crack at the corner.

to suggest.

it's plastic.

remember children.
masks or no masks.
faces are meant to express.

not to be seen.

2008-12-12T07:32:00.000-08:00

BLOG!
i have OFFICIALLY had my first independent bus ride!!!

*supposed applause*

oh thank you thank you

*roses thrown*

oh really thank you really.

erherm.
that was a ride i took alone without anybody to guide me and i safely made it home.

*applause*

oh thank you. really you're too nice.

*trophy presented*

oh! oh really!
you're too much haha thank you all of you.

*ms universe handwave*

thank you.
well. apart from that historical achievement i have officially started gaining weight again!

*crickets*
*awkward silence*

well.
what a reception.
anyway.
i think i'll upload the shots i took at india soon.
a bit lazy to do so.
oh yeah.
being lazy, i haven't started revision!

*jaws thriller music sound effect*

really its quite scary to realize school starts in about a month's time and the only thing i finished revising was econs 1st notes. and.
nothing. else.

sigh.
haven't read othello. restu.
so many things to be done.
well.
to be honest i never really finished pride and prejudice.
oh God help me.

anyway.
not much to update apart from the class bbq tomorrow.

and.im getting. (yawns) quite.
sleepy.

let's just pray to God i start revising again soon.

very.

soon.

okay.
till then blog.

toodles~

itzjuzlife's quote of the day : faith comes unseen. being unfaithful. well. you see a slap.
or.
somewhat,
along those lines.

chaoz!

2008-12-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

halo blo

EH eh
halamak stomach ache wait ah wait wait ah

aah~
back.
i've never had a diarrhoea that lasts this long really.
it's been what, 4 days?

anyhoooo.
yeah, i'm back from india.
supposed to arrive today but came back halfway cuz of some terrorist threat thingie.
yeah well. i guess 80million other blogs are ranting about this right now.

WELL!
1st up, the india trip.

well.
some cows.
here and there.
and dogs too.
and some people peeing by the streets.
well honestly unless if you're an indian or an architect you would only appreciate the indian temple architecture as much as i do. so i don't remember india for the temples.
more like for the cows at the streets you know.
and like. some goats. yeah.

oh yes!
i think i showed some attitude during the trip?
cuz my shoes were wet so i asked mr manekham if i could don slippers.
he said yes.
so i did.
i got scolded.
by other teachers.

who scolded me as such :
1) use your brain
2) you were told not to
3) when we give instructions just follow
4) just cooperate

OH!
i wasn't the only person you know.
others got the scolding too.
but they took it.
i didn't.

i tell you.
i was already given permission to WEAR shoes.
adib as my witness.
and still got scolded?

na-ah baby no way im taking that like the(innocent) others.
and so my reaction was
1) i folded my arm.
2) raised my eyebrow.
3) raised my head and chin.
4) argued with any teacher who dared to scold us.
(they did step back)
5) gave an attitude face and abruptly went up the bus.
6) refused to be coaxed until apologized to.

mind you there were 4 teachers.
the others did try to calm me down but i clearly rooted that we weren't in the wrong.
i didn't stop my attitude until i realized i was holding the others back.
i was annoyed at the teachers.
not them.
i didn't want to spoil their mood though.
so finally i cooperated and went with the rest of the tour group,
who by the way suddenly decided that slippers were fine since it was a weekend.

isn't that just perfect?

i don't care what the teachers would have said.
adib said i would have fought(verbally) with any teacher should they let out another word.
i wouldn't care if they did.

humph.
yeah i know it's over and i shouldn't think about it.
let go? ergh. please.
did i sound rude?
oh not when someone scolds you without reason.
yeah. i forgive.
i never.

forget.

well.
that aside.
we did some shopping.
i went with fad and adib
OH YEAH!

i'd like to take this opportunity to thank ADIB RIDZUAN ROSLAN for being there to provide me with the necessary medication when i fell sick continuously.
diarrhoea, flu, headache, fever you name it.

and adib was there.
i was so sorry i troubled him so much.

oh and thanks to fad too.
for his concern.
and.
his random farts. along the trip.
i guess.

ah~
so where was i?
oh shopping.
yes.
well we couldn't shop much.
we only had 1half hours.

apart from that, i thought the whole trip was.
well, quite okay i guess.
credits to the indian chef who got me this diarrhoea.

*sinister smile*

hmm.
besides the crazy photos i took with fad and adib in the room,
i guess that's about it blog.
since our trip got cut short.
not much to talk about ey.

okay then.
till then blog.
pray that i recover quickly yarrrrrrrrrr.

oops.

hehe.
indian. accent. influenced.
haha.

till then blog.

toodles!

2008-11-16T00:10:00.000-08:00

oh.
we apologized.

and how long did that take?
10 minutes?
hmm.
i can't believe the argument was just 10 minutes ago.

well.
she did say she apologizes if she's in the wrong.
i replied im in more wrong.
just being obliging.

she wasn't really willing to talk much about it though.
well.
at least im glad its over.

hey blog.
have i told you?

i forgive.
i never forget.

no grudges.
i just don't forget.

*sigh*

and i really wonder how my children will turn out.

2008-11-15T23:26:00.000-08:00

hey blog.
so much for the sunshine today.
mom's mad at me.
freaking mad i guess.
that doesn't make me one bit more happier than she is.

i think she ticked me at the wrong time today.
and thus the explosion.
whatever.
i don't think it's my fault alone.

i reverted back her scolding-speech back to her.
hey, not that i'm unfillial.
just that i'd speak to her in a much matured adult to adult sensibility everytime i'd argue with her. well, not that it's often, but everytime it does happen, i'd tick her the way none else would.

both my brothers would either simply get angry, shout and slam the door.
only to apologise afterwards.

typical.

i don't.
not yet.

i'd argue with her.
volley back to her, her own words.
and throught the entire process where she raises her voice i'd remind her that i am not in any way raising mine.

which would of course tick her even more.

it all started when she called my name.
then.
silence.
then.
she got annoyed.
becuz i din't come to her.
then i gave my reply.
and so it started.

i'm just so simply ticked off by people who call you like that.
not explaining what for.
happens to me ALL the time.
sometimes to get tissue, to go back and fetch it and to return to them again.
or to fetch something or what not.

PLEASE.
God what i s wrong.
EVERYONE knows i'm a blur guy who wouldn't know much of what to do unless told so.

okay i guess you're confused with me right now blog.

ergh.
parent-child argument.
it happens sometimes.

she did ask me if i was gonna apologize.
my brothers would have.
i simply sat close to her and asked if it was my fault alone.
and thus the 2nd explosion.

humph.
do i sound rude?
am i rude?
i did explain to her my sentiments.
but to what effect?
i don't know.

humph.
i am humble where i stand wrong.

but where i believe myself to be standing right,
i don't care who you are.
where i sould still retain my respect for you,
i would mildly-respectfully challenge you.
regardless of your authority.

respect begets respect.
you don't snap your fingers and demand respect from me.

you earn it.

fuck the convention of the older never apologizing to the young.
not that my mom wouldn't apologize.
it's just that this general convention is typically annoying.
so the young girls who got raped by old ticos should apologize to them?
ooooooo.
how sensible.

hmm.
well.
that rid the heat off a bit.
but blog, i do know limits.
i do.
i really do.
she is my mother after all.
i acknowledge that.
and for that.
i'd apologise to her later maybe.

but under the right circumstances.
upon the right reasons.

i know i'm in the wrong too.
but i don't like people not acknowledging their wrong either.

haha.
and you wonder where my ego comes from.

*smiles*
*looks down*
i realize i have to cherish people while their still there.
but that doesn't make my life living to live theirs.

it's all about compromising.

*stares into blank air for a long time*

you know.
they say your children would be worse than yourself.

God save me.

2008-11-02T06:41:00.000-08:00

*shakes computer screen violently*
BLOG!

i accidentally deleted ALL the photos i took with my phone!

*wipes tears for the 872305th time*

aaaaaaahhhh!!!!

pfft!
*&$%%^*^&!!!!!!

okay.
you know what blog?
i'll just savage whatever i have.
from all over the place.
from the previous posts.
from my cam.
from others.
from the makcik who used to sell mee rebus at my primary school
ANYONE!

so long as there's me in the pictures.
at some GOD-forsaken corner of the pic i DON'T CARE!
i'll take it!
so long as im in the picture i'll take it.

so to the people i've cam-whored with,
PLEASE pass the the pics so long as im in the picture okay!

although i don't think i'll get everything back.

some were very good memories.
well.

hm.

some leave.
some remain.
others.
disappear.

what are you trying to say God?
or is this just something as plain as random you planned for me?
are you trying to say i should leave space for new pics next year?
but i still liked this year.
no matter what.
it was.

fun.

and nice.
somewhat.

*smiles bleakly*

God.
i don't know if

O MAK KAU!

eh eh anti-climax kodomo powder.
suddenly drop.
spoil the mood.

erherm.
anyway.
where was i?
argh.
nvm.

i don't know what to make of all o this.
all of what's happened.
but i guess.
i'm.
thankful.

and for that,

i thank You.

to be and to be and then to be.
i'll run as far as i can see.

till then.

good night blog.

2008-10-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

it's been a long walk.
it's been a fast year.

at the end of the day,
we were the only ones brave enough
to refuse comformity.

for that, i'm glad.

am i really?

i don't know.

but what i know,
i appreciate bravery. against. conformity.

2008-10-21T05:01:00.000-07:00

Hey blog!

quite a bit happened since i last updated.

well, that's starting to sound far TOO cliche haha.

but nevertheless, we're checking our promo papers tomorrow.

*heart thumps*(hard)

but hey, i had some stress relief-activity with

-Lim Jun Jie

-Wesley Goh Say Wee(yeah he DID come to school today)

-Caleb Lim Fang Wei

credits to these people for their patience with my

-sense of soccer(way off)

-cam-whoring while kicking the ball randomly.

here are some of the shots.

ooh! that's me!

*laughs hysterically*

it was sort of hot.

i sorta got tired and waited for the ball to come to me instead.
ps : don't ask me why wesley is in that weird position.

jj decided to rape wesley half-way.
although wesley did look willing.

okay this is quite a cool shot.

and you know what blog?

Soccer. was fun.

it's been a long walk.

but it;s been a fast year.

and tomorrow.

it's time.
sigh.

this is it.

2008-10-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

been there done that.
it's the nth time huh?

humph.

and "i'll go where the chak white arrows go."
except that.
they've turned grey
no,
black i think.

now i walk my own road.
i'd like to think it's fine.
but of course it isn't.
of course it isn't.

let's see how things turn out?
no.
i'll try.
i've went far before.
i've reached a long way once.
i could do it again.

yes.
before 18 comes.
yes.
and till then.

though this might sound extremely selfish given my position,
but,

i hope You watch over me.

if You don't already find me annoying that is.

till then.

till then.

2008-09-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

hey blog!
ahh~
it's been a while haha.

and yo!
i had an outing with my mat clique.
(they're all cina's but damn mat can)

watched Disaster Movie 1st.
it was HARDCORE comedy please haha
with the satanic-chipmunks and what not.
then had seoul garden
seoul garden with them was da BOMBZ i tell you.

wesley wouldn't stop complaining about the spurting oil.
jun jie wouldn't stop promoting his boiled vegies.
caleb wouldn't stop drinking ice lemon tea.
i couldn't stop frying chicken.

and OH!
we weren't exactly early for the movies.
entered half way
BECAUSE
wesley goh say wee
AND
lim jun jie was
EFFING
late HAH!

THANKS ah guys.

haha but i guess overall it was quite fun cuz we talked nonsense all the way.
and cam-whored in the toilet
(but there was another user and he sorta looked at me weirdly)

anyway,
and another event i ended up late was for maths paper yesterday eyh.
it started at 1.
we only left phoenix lrt station at 12.57.
smart ah?
jj was(again) the late one(i swear i'd kick him one day)
though he asked us to go ahead we decided to just wait since he was close anyway.
talk about brotherhood ah?
so we rushed like 3 idiots to school haha.

and for that matter we 3 gundus entered maths exam late with an annoying teacher waiting.
she didn't seem happy but heck what could we do?
she demanded us to reset our GC's so i asked her nicely

how do you reset a gc again?

and she gave me a "tsk" sound and stormed off for the gc resetting manual.
i was like wtf plz.

BECAUSE

1) i was already late.
2) was already sweating like anything.
3) was already panicking,
4) was already tired from rushing to school.
+

5) being treated so annoyingly by that teacher.

like please orh.
like her "tsk"-ing would help me get A for maths.

what's that?
oh?
it could?
i really wouldnt' mind that then.
oh what's that?
no?
no?
it can't?
hmm?
no?
na-ah?

so BLOODY DAMN IT LET ME HAVE MY PAPER IN PEACE.
ergh.

well anyway,
2 papers left.
-malay lit.
-eng lit.

but i do feel much free-er now.
ahh~

hm hm.
sighs *smile*
you know what blog.
i think God's been generous.
and for that
i thank Him.
but i hope,

whatever unfolds.
it's for the best.
and for that,

have faith.

till then blog.
till then.

*smiles*

2008-08-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

OMG!
she was soooo cute loh.

on my way back there was this girl who's like angmoh mix chinese standing by the lrt door!
she was damn hot lah.

i dunnoe why but she seriously caught my eye, honestly.
well, its not often i talk about girls you know.
so that means she must've been damn hot lah....

okok not hot but ecstatic-sweet lorh please.

ah damn.
i hate myself lah.

i should have like, you know, dropped a pen in front of her or something.

oh!

SHE should have like tripped and fell in front of me and i could have like saved her.

right.
the day pigs grow wings and start hovering around my neighbourhood,
that'll be the day a damsel in distress falls into my arms.

OKAY!

that aside.
back to reality, here are the updates.

1) promos coming in 3 weeks+ time.
2) fasting next week!
3) cikgu siti said i've grown fat! again! ah! God bless her.

as for the 4 stoogers
1) eating hotdogs has suddenly become such a new world with them.
(and you wonder why. don't bother.)
(seriously)
2) the colour brown has suddenly gotten so much meaning when i talk with em.
(and so does the word love)(you seriously wouldn't wanna know why)

aww.
im gona miss all that.
this is the last week of teaching in school.
after this is 1 week of hols.
then 2 weeks revision and exams straight away.

i seriously will miss that.
aww.
when jun jie starts singing

i can be your hero baby etc etc...

and wesley suddenly goes

starry starry night!

and im like

fever! in the morning...fever all through the night...

and Caleb cudn sing cuz he keeps laughing his ass off everytime we start singing nonsense.

aww.
i'd miss that.
during the hols.
or...

no.

lets not.

get there.
not yet.

till then.
let everything be sweet.

and memorable

2008-08-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

la di dum dum dum.

heh.

o how ridiculous some can get.

well.
whatever.

whatever is it that you want

fame

or

name

or

attention.

whatever is it that you want out of this.

im not giving it.

wish for angst.

2008-08-15T20:08:00.001-07:00

hey blog?

do you realize how long its been since i updated?
well thats cuz i cant be bothered.

with what?
oh.
with people.

who dont have a life.

well so many things has happened.
sounds cliche doesnt it?

everyone's been saying that.
and here's to those epitomy of ridicule.

"a letter to those who dare"

like, i dont really give a fuck?
cuz i've experienced so much no

too bloody much shit to even care.
or panick.

about shits like this.

oh.

the life.

humph.

use whatever mystery names you want to hide yourself.

oh wait, that is if you have enough intellect to find my blog anyway.
HAH!
who am i kidding.

whatever.
i dont give a fuck about your identity.
cuz if you're hoping we'd like ponder and be bothered by you,
its a simple

no.

im not gonna bother.
so.
to you.
dont think i dont know who.
i dont know everything.
but i know enough.

and that's all i need.

so.
bottomline, dont cross the line.

but if you've got guts,(quite questionable)

cross mine.

i'll be waiting.

2008-08-04T05:41:00.001-07:00

ducklings will not get scared if they don't misbehave.
puppies will not yap unless they feel threatened.
the tongue won't feel the pain if its not the one tasting the chilli.

finally, you have people.

and their conscience.

*smiles*
oh come on.
i know enough.
i see enough haha.

and that's all i need haha.

ok.

till then blog.
till then.

2008-07-17T03:25:00.001-07:00

i just finished my listening compre.
rushed back home.

something WOULD happen.
i knew it.
at the start of the year i said it.

why am i from year 7 batch?
why do i meet this fellar after 4 years of pre-knowledge?
why is seven times four 28?
why am i in s28 with that fellar?

what IS IT that's gonna happen?

i dont like this.

i really dont.
this is not good.

no.
i wont believe it.
no.
its a coincidence.

yes.
a coincidence.

yes.
God plans everything.

but.

whatever unfolds.
i hope its okay.

God help us.

2008-07-13T01:20:00.000-07:00

to you-know-who-you-are,

i also thought about the convo yesterday.
and this is in reply of your post.

cherishing is not just appreciating.
cherishing a friendship is when you are there to listen to whatever the other party has to say if there be an argument. cuz real friends would listen to one another.
not to walk off after ur done with your bit.
or rather, run away.
this may all seem repetitive, but for the sake of remembrance.
and you seem to be happy with this.
running away.
fine with the way this works.
when i say i dont care i meant i dont care if you do this to me.
but to others?
do you not feel the guilt?

and sorry to say you reek of narcisissim.
you trample on other's life principle and the moment the fellar tries to explain you cant be bothered and run away.
and you dismiss this as something natural.
like, how throwing shit is something i do.
like, slapping someone is part of my nature.
like, killing? oh you cant blame me cuz that's who i am.
do you not feel the guilt?
do you not see this?

look.
i know you might be hurt or insulted or etc.
but if simplicity is what you want then those are the simple facts i have.
i am not a perfect human being.
i know.
but at least i see my faults and try to improve.
i never feel content about myself and would always seek improvements.

and bo.
"i would have been fine even if you walked off".
i never said you wouldn't.
i would only walk off if you did first.
cuz you ARE socially stable now.
you flew.
im still down there.
i promised to be down there just in case you fell.
cuz im a mere platform.

and lastly, my "not caring about a single thing" isnt true.
if i didnt care i would have had my sword drawn.
if i didnt care i wouldnt have given advises.
if i didnt care,

i wouldnt still be a platform down here.

remember.
i just do not commit.
id walk off if you dont need a platform up there.
id walk off to where i am right now.
so here i am down here.
just in case.
just in case you fall.

and till then,
always try to
improve, listen and understand.

and so i pray to see you happy.
you will never know who i am.
just know that im somewhere.

looking.
praying.
hoping.

for the best.

and till then,
love,

bobo.

ps : i need my baju skolah haha.

2008-07-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

do realize that i am never the sort of person who rambles endlessly about myself.
not one bit.

everything's for good reasoning.
everything i do.

do realize that i only meant to be a platform.

now that you've managed to grab enough social circles,

grow.

grow and bloom.

and with that stability you don't need a platform anymore.
not any longer.

with all smiles i watch you from behind.
happy to see you be just the person who you wish to be.

but i just wanna make my volatile character seen.
that i do not commit.
that i can walk off at any time.
im sorry.
i only intended to be a platform.
a comfortable platform for you stand on and reach out.

remember.

platforms do not commit to anything.
it's a harsh fact.
but.
remember too.
that a platform would always be there.

just in case you fall.

*smiles*

till then.
remain safe.

and fly.

2008-06-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

hey blog!

it's been a while
oh bloody hell that's far TOO cliche a greeting.

sighs.

anyway!
updates.

1) midyear subjects down - maths, econs, malay language, gp.
2) midyear subjects left - malay lit, english lit.

im quite disturbed lit.
i can get an A one moment and the next i get a U.
so far malay lit's been fine.
its eng lit im worried about.

like for food's sake people write composition essays in 1 half hour and you write a bloody critical commentary

*gasps for deep breaths*

CRITICAL COMMENTARY IN 1 BLOODY HOUR.

oh God help me.

what is wrong with the sense in the world nowadays.

AND THE POLAR BEARS ARE DYING!

sighs.

*in deep thought for about 5 minutes*

*leans back comfortably*

im happy to see my brother in a happy relationship.
both of them.

they seem. fine. happy. content. filled.

and here i am blogging.
sighs.

is it that easy to be content with someone you love?
hmm.
well.
personally for me it isn't.
i just think it's not easy for me to be content with someone fullstop.

wait.
there are many that give me that sense of content.

humph.

what is it that i want really.
if we stick and feel content with whatever we have right now, and remain static, then what's our purpose in life?

we don't get born to be satisfied with whatever shit that's thrown at us.
or to lunge at the first cup of ice-cream we see after eating soooo much vegies.

because.

all you have to do is to look around and who knows you might get a TUB of ice-cream.
instead of that small cup.

then again.
we can never be satisfied that way.
to be on a never-ending journey in search of satisfaction.

well.
rather than remaining constant.

i'd rather move and see my chances.
and learn.
and mature.
and gain many things.

and till i find just the right tub of ice-cream,
i'll still be on the road.

till then blog.

till then.

i'll just have to keep moving.

*smiles*

nailed it.

2008-06-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

aslyn - that's when i love you.

youtube.

*faint smile*

go check it out and you'll see what i mean.

2008-06-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

I WANT TO EAT KFC BANDITO POCKET NOW!

*drools and gets carried away*

oh what a blue moon event.

2008-05-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

Hey blog!
i feel like blogging in another language.
u rarely oops
oh for the record i havent exactly seen any posts in malay.
humph.
let today be an exception then.
a blue moon event.

bangkitlah.
sedar.

your pride as a malay.

melayu?
oh.
kecundang dalam pelajaran, pekerjaan.
tidak kehidupan.

why pelajaran and pekerjaan?

sedarlah.
bukan malas bukan bodoh,
sekadar diganti jati diri
anak melayu.

jati diri yang
tak tamak mencari rezeki
tak taksub mengejar wang

cukup makan cukup pakai untuk pelajaran.
kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang untuk pekerjaan.

kami yang tak taksub mengejar wang.
kami yang tak tamak mengejar rezeki.
sekadar ala kadar.

and thus the lack of drive.
the lack of drive to push forward.
the lack of drive to break grounds of success.

lack of drive?
oh sedarlah.

bukan malas.
hanya tidak rajin.
hanya ala kadar.

lack of drive?
not for everything.

sesaat anak melayu mahukan sesuatu.

sesaatpun

once they want it,

alamat bujur lalu melintang patah.
tanah di langit
awan di bumi
biar apapun terjadi

hajat mesti ditepati.
niat akan dikecapi.

maka sedarlah orang Melayu.
bangsa, nama, akar umbimu.

your pride,

as a Malay.

2008-05-25T00:09:00.001-07:00

BLOG! aren't you simply annoyed by friendster?

*shakes the computer screen forcefully*

erherm. okay.

well it just started raining.
how convenient.

well my class is gonna be seeing the principal on the morrow, and i've only heard gossips and winds about it. no true idea what it's about.
well opefully it's nothing serious.

okay updates.
1) went for bobo seoul garden outing yesterday, took some cool pics haha.
2) cikgu siti said i've grown a bit fatter, TWICE! oh may God bless her.
3) having a slight back ache. meow... (no suggestive connotation, juz being random)
4) i juz found my hand-sanitizer from last year. it was stuck behind the shelve.

newly developed opinions
- i think body shop isn't helpful...

oh i jus realized that there's no homework for the holidays.
well that's great cuz i hope i can chiong for my studies, if

IF
(do realize that it's in bold, italic and with caps lock on)

im NOT lazy enough to do anything.

oh holidays just make you go lazy....

*stomach growls suspiciously*

i think i've to be off now.

see you blog!

ps : i SO told you so.

i so did.

2008-05-07T05:32:00.000-07:00

there are many sorts of dust you see.

there are those that annoy me.
others make me sick.

there are many sorts of pimples too.

there are those that leave marks.
there are those which burst when they feel like it.
there are those that simply do not wish to budge, annoyingly stubborn and indifferent.
these pimples will simply not be bothered by other pimples and don't see the consequence of their indifference.

and of course, you have many sorts of plants as well.

some are green, healthy and promising plants.
promising as they are some bear no fruits.

and finally, you have people.

2008-04-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

ego.
society.
conformity.

the three blockages.
the three main barricades.

they point out what is wrong.

do they point out what is right?

of course they do.
seldom i'd say.

is that life?

to follow?

to cower under them?

ergh.
make a stand.

get a life.

2008-04-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

i know

haha.

i sooo do.

don't think i never will.

cuz i do.

i may not know everything.

but i know a lot of things.

a lot of things.

haha.

*smiles*

i wouldn't do anything without reasoning.
it's always something for something.

~let's see~

2008-04-10T02:47:00.000-07:00

hey blog!

it's BEEN a while haha.

so updates...

1) i think i've grown a bit fatter HAHA THANK YOU GOD!
2) i seem to be able to remember everyone's names a bit better now.

oh yeah!
i went to billy's house the other day, and met poop.
the..pup. you know it's like one of those dogs that doesn't have quite enough hair to cover it's showing parts.
it was quite disturbing when it came to brisk itself on me...

*shivers*

anyway.

3) o8s28 HATES white chocolates

GOD what is WRONG with these people.

4) lots happened. age is catching up. can't recall.

sighs.

i guess i was a bit off yesterday.
but, a bit better today i guess.

sighs.

it's one of those moments when you stare in the sky as the wind brushes against you.

just that im in my room.

messy room.

messy messy room.

anyhow.

i guess...

i guess life's been okay.

i've been pondering.

so much happened.

so so much.

there are so many freaking bitches who deserve so much this year.
i told you that this year's batch has got quite some potential.

be as bitchy as you want.
slut around, screw yourself for all i care.

but if you cross my line, be sure to maintain gettin the same sorta shit you're giving.

from me.

cuz there's no difference between you and a bucket of shit apart from the bucket.

i know i sound like some immature loser who thinks so highly of himself.
but heck.

i don't care.

neither should you, yes?

so long as you don't cross my line.

if you do.

humph.

nah.

come on.
what can a naive guy like me do?
right?

haha.
let's just see huh?

yeah.

*smiles*

let's.

till then blog.

chaoz *raises eye-brow*

zhafri's life quotes : a faint smile hurts. but a fake smile hurts more.

2008-03-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

YO!!

haha. well that's a fresh start.

so.
updates.

hmm i'm a bit hungry lemme go get something to munch on..

back. anyway.

oh yeah!

so SO many freaking pj classmates remind me of so SO many of my ex-classmates lah please haha.

li boon SO looks and acts like chor boon.
regina SO looks like fiona and acts like her too.
wesley GOH so so SO reminds me of shawn ang+douglas+khairu with the way he talks and acts.
chor chuan looks like fariz(aka shrek haha)

what's with the look-alikes lah please haha.

but anyway.
that aside.

i think im beginning to settle down well in S28.
accompanied the so freaking AND freaky cina-mat WESLEY GOH just now haha, while waiting for the rain to stop. i had to on caps lock hor wesley haha.

getting to know the class well enough i guess.
there must have been a reason why im dumped in a science class when im supposed to be in arts.

well whatever it is the Almighty is planning for me i'll just wait and see what happens.

my parents WOW
sorry i almost fell.

my parents have now safely reached the middle east by now.
sent them on their departure on sunday.
it was mildly emotional though.
the hugs and farewells and all.
they'll be back in two weeks.
argh that'll be damn fast and before i know it i'll be all old and wrinkly before them.

well, that's how life works doesn't it?
time flies.

sighs.

maybe it's just me.
but i really think time flies.
even if you don't enjoy yourself.

in a way life's continuance is a living death anyway.

death

death.

my aunt passed away recently.

well that was abrupt and sudden wasn't it?

well isn't that just the way life is?
the way it works?

many people don't realize it but our bodies rot in time.
we slowly decompose, fall sick, and bits of us eventually become useless.
we become sick.

helpless.

people grow.
people die.
loved ones disappear from our lives so abruptly,
leaving none but a shred of memory for us to cling on with.

we have but no choice.

none.
none but one.

we simply move on.

simply.

juz being random

2008-03-05T01:26:00.000-08:00

heya blog!

just came back from school and feeling miserably sticky all over.
can't use the toilet yet.
na-ah.

not when my half-an-hour-shower bro is in there.

anyhow.
i just received news that i'm dumped in class S28,
when im clearly supposed to be in an arts class.

maybe the Almighty placed me there for a reason.
well, not that i'm the one to be talking about piety.

so, updates.
1) dinah and the rest of the malay peeps have got a sudden addiction towards the rubix cube.
2) i've got a bit fatter, or so i hope.
3) mas selamat spotted near pjc concluded to be a false alarm of some sort.
4) shazwan shaved off his moustache(or whatever bits of it there were)
5) farah still hasn't stopped her fetish towards fair-skinned people.
6) Billy's mom has found a way to stop 'accidentally' hitting poop's butt out of shock.
otherwise the poor pup's but would have concaved in by now.

oh yeah.
i related something with dinah earlier today.
about getting angry and blowing up.

usually, it's the people whom you rarely and i do mean rarely get angry that are the scariest when they blow up.
and when i say scary, i DO mean scary.

i don't know whether any of the peeps have ever seen me angry to such an extent though.

but, i feel.
for some reason.

i feel it's coming.

the time will come when i shall blow up and all eyes shall turn and witness the excessively melodramatic legacy that zhafri has had to leave behind in Pioneer Junior College :

The Day Zhafri Blew Up.

*with dramatic background sound effect*

i wouldn't fancy myself patient but i do think that i rarely get angry.

to me it's almost like a luxury to get angry.
cuz i never find any reason to.
that's just who i am.

but give me one reason.

one

FREAKING

good

reason for me to get mad,

let's see what happens.
*raises one eye-brow*

but till then.

till then,

i'll just hold the lava in.

but when the time comes,

i won't hold back.

trust me.

2008-03-03T04:25:00.000-08:00

hey blog!

it's been a while hasn't it.

always has been before i would update.

anyhow, lots happened since i last updated.
fresh J1s are now everywhere in school.
trying to get used to the sight of seeing new strangers practically at every familiar corner.
cuz their uniform's quite new and too bright for my liking and it's sorta striking and

argh why do i even bother about all those.

1 lrt passes, 2, and the 3rd...

life's been pretty mundane and boring these past few days.

sighs.

*cricket sounds*

oh yeah my neighbourhood is getting damn freaky.
i dunno how you'd define freaky but i'm sure i just saw a bloke with a colander on his head and there's some weird old lady wandering about outside.

moving on, it's still the mass lecture week at school so most of us are still taking our time settling down.
it feels weird.

coming to school.
then going home.

i know it kinda sounds a bit odd for me to be saying that.
but..
it's like, going to school but yet you don't leave any sign, any mark any footprint that you ever existed in school.
going to school seems like a passing daydream nowadays.
it's like your presence isn't really felt, apart from the occasional side glances you get from others.

maybe it's cuz i don't really have that many bitch-mates as yet.

speaking of which.
i think the new year ones this year aren't that bad.

actually, not bad at all.

i can already picture all the drama that may well happen in 2008.
many potential bitch-mates alright.

haha.

let's wait and see what happens.

*silent-but-menacing laughter*

till then blog.

toodles~

zhafri's life quotes : things aren't always as difficult as you make them out to be.

2008-01-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

It sucks.

I have a choice. Always.
But it bugs me everytime I see.

everywhere

No no. I have a choice.

always.

2007-12-24T09:59:00.001-08:00

phew.

that felt good.

sick. sick of it.

2007-12-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

okay i know it's been quite a while since i've updated.
i always update when i have an issue.

that's the point!!!!

the bloody fucking point DAMN IT!

okay so you may not understand.
but okay see this.
do u see anyone with by-the-by pictures in friendster??
any pictures with honest smiles???

cuz to be fucking honest i only see pictures with smiles that's just printed on a piece of photo.
simply.
rarely honest smiles.

cuz it's either a smile cuz u got a present or cuz your lover kissed you oh
all the more better, made u feel like u were the only living person on earth???

then fucking dammit keep it to yourself.
since the world is made up of you two then bloody fuck have it your way in your own sweet little corner.
well maybe i am jealous but nevertheless i have no intention of aiming this to anyone in particular.
oh well pardon me but should you feel being AIMED AT or should you feel any slight sense of discomfort do please kindly leave and keep you naive selves or rather selfish selves to your own sweet little brains and fingers.

should there be any unsatisfaction you may leave a comment at my tagboard.
or leave an e-mail. mr_zevil@hotmail.com.
friendster or msn should fancy the trick.

well.
surprised by the sudden uproar?
well i can't stand the naive - no wait.
its not naive.
it's ignorance.
i can't stand the perfect sweetness, supple merriness that are simply tooooo exaggerative in this world that coexists with humans whom by the way are theoretically perfectly capable of distinguishing reality, honesty, modesty between facades and ignorant suppleness of everything and utter fake-ness.

well i just can't stand the sight of people NOT HAVING A LIFE!

like
ERGH!

like daily blogs are soooooooo bloody irritating to me cuz they simply are nothing but plain updates like diary and by the way if you mean it to be a diary then bloody keep it in a diary dammit. not that i read those kinda blogs, but it gets to me.
then oh tell me about people who blog about personal stuff and then kicks a huge fuss out of people reading it and that their privacy is disturbed. and please. blog wars?? don't let me get started on that. god dammit if you wanna war do it face to face with courage, not bloggin incessantly about people you hate then making sour faces at school in front of em.

and talking about courage in fights im just soooooo fucking annoyed by mats or cinas heck any teen who walk in gangs and like stare about here and there and like ambush instead of fighting head on,eye to eye. well again. any dissatisfaction? my details are as mentioned above. should there be any unhappiness, do feel free to contact me.

smiles.
friendster pictures smiles.
only smile when you mean it, cuz it's fucking ugly when you do so without meaning it.
and ladies, drop the all-time famous act-cute smiles please. it's disgusting. fucking disgusting.
how many honest smiles do you see in a day?
oh for goodness sake.
i know so many simply don't realise it.
but as for me it's simply too fake for me to just dismiss and ignore it.

and the exaggerated personality that almost everyone is having at friendster.
like, you had to say certain things about your personality.
try, saying, "i eat. im human. i have friends. i only smile when i mean it"
like ooooh you have to get an eye-grabbing shout-out so that people may be in awe of you and view your profile and read all the interesting facts about you, and perhaps be interested in you.
like heck CAN ANYONE SEE THIS??? HELLO??? HELLO???
well of course. without interesting facts about yourselves that you simply must put because others do so as well, and that you don't wish to sink amongst them, without these it makes your profile boring. defeats the purpose of having friendster profiles yes? cuz that's what it's all about? interest?

but of course no offence to the website friendster itself.

and love.
oh my God....

love?
well its nice.
but keep it to yourselves.
well we can't feel the annoyance if we are the couple in love ouselves, but do keep a sensitive eye out for others who may simply get pissed at the sight of your absurd romance because we simply can't stand the mushy wushiness of it all.
because unless we are you, it's disgusting.
simply.

ergh.
well that rid the heat of it all.
phew.

what was i angry at actually?

maybe it's cuz im pissed at myself due to the fact that i can see certain things very clearly which are dubiously invisible to others.

see through eyes.

see through words.

see through lies.

see through fake-ness.

see the bird's-eye scope of things.

it's hard.

it's hard to ignore it.

anyway, i just realised that i may sound like a fool, some immature imbecile who thinks he knows so much about life. but heck. i don't care. cuz your opinions don't matter. this is what i think, this is what i say. you don't have to give a fuck about what i say, cuz you can simply ignore it, yes? it's my life. get your own.

so for those who simply have not had it yet.

get a life.

10 things.

2007-12-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

10 wishes i wish i could have

1) have a deeper and sexier voice.

2) have a leaner more bigger body

3) have a sharper nose

4) have a cleaner face

5) be more wholistically good looking.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME ANYONE EVER REALISED THE SENSE OF VANITY AND SELFISHNESS THAT HAS OVERPOWERED US ALL?

6) there would be no more war.

7) no more suffering.

8) no more tears of grief.

9) no more tragedy.

10) no more pain.

those are my 10 wishes i wish i could have.

what's yours?

la di dum dum dum....

2007-12-04T05:40:00.001-08:00

hey blog!!!

okay i've been using that ever since i started bloggin.

how do u do blog???

um. nevermind.

anyway, i went shopping with ika, huda and sheila at the town area today. i've always wanted a black havaianas(i think that's the way it spelt) with the strap at the back. but instead i found this slipper thingie still with a strap at tha back, but it's the one from Urbanmale.

i hate going to Urbanmale.
i always feel soo....
shrunken....
because of the assigned salesperson in the shop.

there i saw leah, ci qin.
and surprisingly jamal. the ppp jamal.

boring.....

here comes the juicy part...

well i got my fair share of gossips, first at kfc(bandito and zinger. nice nice haha) then we moved on to long john silvers to resume our session.

that definitely pumped my life juice going, especially after seeing jamal....

anyway, though i have no idea why certain people ask for it, but i'll touch this issue anyway.

the 5 general people you meet in life

1) those who ponder, unmoving.
a common thing amongst teens alike nowadays, from what i can see in singapore anyway. problems and setbacks usually pull these people behind, making it difficult for them to move on. it just so happens that they find difficulty in pulling the remaining pieces of their life, and let go of the past. even if they do move on, little issues that may remind them of their past may still bother them easily. most of such people are the so called emo-kids.
not that i personally have any right to judge them, but it's just the generality of it all.

2) those who move on, never looking back.
well, usually these beings. they..they are quite strong-willed generally. once they move on it's full-steam ahead. no looking back, and what's past is past is their favourite theme in life, so to say. they can are gifted, in that sense, to be able to dismiss setbacks so easily and move on with even better confidence, without even the slightest want to ponder on about the past should there be any tempation for them to do so.
they usually can't even be bothered to look back.

3) those who move on, but walking forwards backwards.
aha. these peeps are interesting. what i mean, by moving forwards backwards, is like, moving forwards but it's your back that's facing front. these people. they move one. fortunately.

but

the twist is that they move on easily, but still they look back vengefully.

ooooh....

in simpler more vague terms, they move on in revenge, holding grudges, holding vengeful fists.
and these people are always careful when moving forwards, in fear of repeating past mistakes.
otherwise, they usually are quite scared in taking a move that may seem similar to a move that led to their downfall previously.

4) those who just seemed to have moved on

well. these people. they are simply bron-actors. gifted. really gifted. certain of these peeps may have tried to forget the past, but it just comes back to haunt them. so they, in simpler terms, puts on this sort of facade, an image, an act, to make it seem as if they have moved on.
000000.

they do get very very defensive when people may say that they haven't yet let go of what's past, claiming so very strongly that they have moved on.

but

if your persistency gets on to them, they would finally break down and let out the truth about themselves. these people are actually quite the sensitive sort once you've reached such a stage of break-down. they usually need someone close all the time to help them regain their strength, their confidence, and pull themselves together.

5) those who simply can't.
hmm.
these peeps are quite the rare sorts nowadays.
simply, it's like.
if they have chosen, they have chosen alright.
it's like they harbour totally everything on whatever it is in the past they had.
once they lose this support, they cant pick themselves up.
its purity in loyalty.
pure loyalty is what these peeps have.
faithfullness too.

well, actually there are lots more categories.
of course there are others who are like, a mix of the different categories, of course depending on the varying sorts of situation you have as well.

its up to you to decide which you are in. there isn't anyone who can give a better say than yourself. true?

well, unfortunately or otherwise there would be people ending up disagreeing with certain things that i may have said here.

but hey.

here's the deal.

you decide your life.

im just another ordinary blogger.

whatever it is you may think, i don't play an authoritative or influential role in it.

but based on the 5 categories above and what has been said, i trust.

i trust

you know where you stand.

till then blog.

~toodles~

zhafri's life quotes : failure is not when you fall. failure is falling, and not picking yourself back up again.

dreams.........

2007-11-28T05:07:00.000-08:00

hello blog!!!

okay so i'm here to update under the demand for a particular topic.
let's avoid the lovey dovy department for the moment.....

okay. so i shall blog about

dreams....

so. i know this particular post may not sound very sensible at all, but nevertheless i hope it's worth my time blogging about.

how would you define dreams?
how about nightmares?

do you know that dreams and nightmares have forever been a scientific phenomenon since ages ago? even though certain ignorant scientists may claim they have an answer to it all.

but hey,

who's there to say what a dream is but ourselves?

are they supposed to be hidden meanings?

certain wiccans(or so they claim)(though witchcraft may not be a popular culture now) who worship this particular celtic deity, believe that dreams and nightmares are possible messages from their God, that bring certain meanings.

dreams bringing meanings are also a popular culture amongst others as well.

but does it really bring meanings?

no one can actually say for sure.
when you see a fat sheep shitting on your car doesn't mean it's actually going to happen, speaking of which certain dreams are thought to be glimpses of the future.

so what exactly is it?
again no one can give a perfect say.

for me, personally i would define dreams as

a huge messy collation of our past experiences, lumped together randomly by our partially conscious mind, to solve for the questions in life that we do not have an answer for.

which is why you see that certain dreams do come true, since the random collation has been merged together, coincidentally happening in our actual lives. when we merge them wrongly, that's when the dreams don't come true.(whcih of course happens most of the time)

or so i think anyway.
my religion, Islam, states that if we don't pray before sleeping, then dreams that occur would be toys and games of the devil. whereas if we pray, it might, just might be something from the Almighty.

have you ever had a dream, that you were in an accident but just at the last minute before the car hits you, you wake up. have you?

or you fell from a tree and a split sceond before hitting the ground you woke up?

or that in your dream you thought you were happily weeing in a cubicle, only to wake up wetting your bed.

or, meeting some horrible monster or ghost or whatever things that you deem scary.

well, who knows?

the only thing that we humans know for sure, is that, dreams will remain a mystery.
certain ones bring meanings to those who hope so.

others, are simply just

another dream.

till then.
sweet dreams blog.

and.

sleep tight.

2007-11-25T18:44:00.000-08:00

and so it's decided.

i shall appeal for self-retain.

don't judge me.

it wasn't easy.

and it's not gonna be.

and so
almost on impulse
everything seemed
almost right.

good enough,
just good enough for me,
not to turn back.

and so

it begins.

check it out!!!!

2007-11-24T06:49:00.000-08:00

OMG to any paticular fellar who's reading my blog at this very moment, i beg of you to check out jaclyn victor at youtube. especially this one "jaclyn victor gemilang AJL20". like seriously.

jac is SOOO my idol.(and the first malaysian idol)
check out if she could be your idol, especially with the out-of-this-world notes that she reaches.
like OMG.
she reaches them with ease i tell you.
no joke, just do this little favour for me and check it out.

okay anyway, enough about jaclyn victor(but seriously check it out)

yep so i promised to finish up the little itsy details about the negeri sembilan trip.
and i also just realized that my blog happens to be perfectly capable of uploading pictres like other blogs too.

and so i shall upload the pictures i had over there, but, tomorrow. haha.

so about my shopping spree there.

we had like 45 minutes to do shopping.

me, adib and shazwan decided to like practically sprint and zoom around mahkota parade, then to bandar hilir and elswhere so long as there was shopping to be done there.

so we literally sped through every area, and adib got his fair share of shopping stuff. spent all his bucks(or RMs) there within the 45 minutes.
the shopping legend, on the other hand, got his hands on this totally topman quality and topman looking shirt which costs like only RM50(considerably cheaper than an actual topman upperwear). and using his exceptionally legendary bargaining skill, attained a price of RM40(and the shop was in an actual proper shopping centre, by the way) for it.

i then sprinted with adib(with shazwan no longer in sight) to FOS, where i got this buy-one-get-one free shirt which was for RM7O. so i decided to be quick-witted about it and quickly decided to demand for a share with adib for the other shirt which he showed interest for.
so, we decided to conceptualize that the 2 shirts costs RM70, where adib payed his share of RM35, and so did i. haha, talk about saving.

and finally after half an hour, we got abit tired and decided to slow down, not until we saw the sign in a GIORDANO that says:

"50% discount, Hari Raya SALE"

not waiting to ponder whether it was a whiff of fantasy or not, i abruptly turned and sped into the shop, leaving adib shocked momentarily. i just couldn't believe that a Hari Raya sale was still on at that time. so i bought this nice black v-neck top that i've always wanted. from RM50 i got it at a price of RM25. wuz that cool or what.

i then splurged the remaining ringgits i had on a RM17 pair of cool blue sunshades haha.

so in summary everything was supposed to cost about RM190, but instead i got like 3 splendid, glamorous, nice and COOL topwears INCLUDING a nice and cool pair of blue shades(which by the way really compliments my skin tone) for RM117.

within 45 minutes.

wuz that cool or what.

HAHA!!

i so nailed shopping over there.

after a satisfactory shopping spree, and after much awe by the rest of the people for our very much efficient shopping within 45 minutes, our teacher then decided to give more time the NEXT day for shopping.

sighs.

but it was really fun though. running around, in and out of a shopping centre, panting while bargaining whilst holding on to like 3-4 bags of shopping stuff, being stared at by almost every eye from all corners, though being ignorant about it.

HAHA!!! but i was DAMN satisfied with my shopping. not bad for a singaporean in malaysia doing quality shopping within 45 minutes.
or so i think.

okay.

so perhaps i shall be uploading the photos i promised tomorrow.
i feel a bit tired sitting now on my chair now.

my brother needs the com now.
till tomorrow then blog.

till then.
~dream a little dream of me~

ps : my face condition seems better....i think...

zhafri's teaserz : is a zebra black with white stripes, or white with black stripes??

distant images. distant sounds.....

2007-11-22T05:14:00.000-08:00

HEY BLOG!!!!!

i am finally back from my cultural immersion trip to Negeri Sembilan, Malaysia.

well it was a four day trip that started on monday, and now i'm back in my comfy black armchair in the comfort of my warm and cozy room.

sitting beside my two garfields right now.
GOD i missed home.
but not as much as when i did when i went for OBS during secondary 2, only to drop out on the 2nd day(only after lots of drama in acting as a desperately sick with the sort of on-the-verge-of-death kind of an illness)

anyhow, that aside, let me recap what happened during the four day trip.

well....

it was interesting. i got to learn and immerse myself in culture, of course. malay cultures vary with differing ethnic groups.

and

the culture of negeri sembilan was pretty interesting too. but, it sorta focuses more upon women rights.

anyway, as for the details.
my personal favourites.

highlights!!

well adib spilled the most spiciest home-made chilli sauce on his shirt.
we saw a 20 inch poisonous centipede crawling amongst vases like five feet from where we were sitting(which unfortunately died a tragic death hammered by the local youths by a stick i think)
our homestay parents were cool people, rather traditional.
i demanded from my so called 'mom' over there for a recipe of a sort of dish which had an out-of-singapore sort of goodness in it. tasted delicious too.

well, i also prayed like, with all the prayers i ever knew existed(about the prayers being pronounced and read correctly is, i would say, another issue altogether)
i did that cuz, we had to pass this graveyard site at the entrance of the village, and to make things worse our teacher had to say that she hears winds of that place having certain

disturbances

upon nightfall.

but it tuned out fine haha. my 'father' there was a religious figure in the village, so i fancied myself protected, from disturbances. well, that was what i wanted to believe in anyway. it, erm.
helps a bit, when i wanted to sleep. well being in a dark room in a foreign village, in a foreign place, in a foreign country. it helps knowing that your responsible guardian is an imam, a religious figure.

okay yeah. so that aside.

hmm, what else happened.
oh, the mosquitoes had the feast of their lives.

and....oh, i like the stay at emperor hotel too!
on the third day, after a mildly emotional farewell to our homestay family, we proceeded to go to Emperor's hotel for a one night's stay.

it was like so cool being able to have like a whole hotel room on your own. like seriously just you and friends, it was totally awesome. the exhiliration(i think that's the way its spelled right?)(aiya i very lazy to check dictionary) was overwhelming, like, just, OMG i just can't put it into words.

so at the hotel stay we had dinner, i had one huge round(meaning i took huge servings all at once) and adib took two rounds, firdaus once and hafiz once too. i was supposed to sleep in the two-bed room with hafiz, with firdaus and adib in another room just in front of ours.

but then all the guys decided to play truth or dare in shazwan's and shahrul's room, which was directly beside mine( yeah i know, so many names right), which later on became a sort of truth or truth game, where everyone got lazy enough to do dares at 4 in the morning. but we did had some dares though. oh, im still trying to forget the traumatic images in my head right now.

*shivers*

the game then evolved to become a sort of problem sharing session, and then a gossip session. i dunnoe, but we all felt so girl haha. but it was a guy's night out. like nine guys in one room, chatting, laughing and occasional farts consecutively and. erm, i think i'll spare the details.

okay. maybe i'll resume posting about my experience on the next post tomorrow
NOT!!!!
like come on, i'm so gonna talk about my shopping spree tomorrow!!! haha.

till then, sweet dreams blog.
i shall now reside in the long desired comfort of my garfields, air-con, bolsters and fluffy cushiony pillows.

till tomorrow then.
bye!!

dream a little dream of me......
(with *smoky effect*)

ps : alamak!!! more pimples lah!!!
*gerrs*

zhafri's life quotes : clean is dirty as dirty is clean
good is evil as evil is good
death is living, as living is death.

well well well

2007-11-08T08:22:00.000-08:00

HEY BLOG!!!!

i've finally turned 17 two days ago.

and by the way i thought it a bit paradoxical to be a bit guilty and bad on my birthday,
cuz a lot of people wished me happy birthday but yet i can't reply, cuz my phone went crazy and simply refused to be swithced on. GOD why do handphones hate me soooo badly.

and

what's worse was that i couldn't reply the wishes i had at friendster too!!
internet probs...

and

i feel bad too cuz some of the people who wished me happy birthday were some of whom i didn't wish likewise on their birthday. either forgotten or otherwise.

oh i feel so bad!!!!

sorry and thanks with all my sincerest gratitudes to all those peeps out there who wished me on my special day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( with ! times infinity)

well. anyway, on my birthday, which was two days ago. my aunt came over and called for pizzas and some add-ons from the menu which of course included honey-coated-glazed chicken wings. my mom got me a chocolate cake from polar( which by the way simply equated to heavenly indulgence). i ate quite a portion of it then brought a part of it to k-box, in which upon arrival i gave to zul, whose birthday was also on the 7th of november. and then afterwards shared with saiful, then the three of us proceeded to sing( well u can say it's singing) like a lot of songs.

my favourite picks were ain't got nothing, some jiwang malay songs with high-pitched variations( not that i could reach them, just that i wanted to practically scream actually). then i moved on to jaclyn victor's songs.

OMG. i so love jaclyn victor please!
i especially enjoyed her song gemilang.

omg...jaclyn victor is totally my idol.
i simly love her voice.
perfect-pitching and high notes and everything.

oh, heck to anyone reading this, just go ahead and search for "gemilang jaclyn victor" at youtube and be amazed haha.

simply amazed i tell you. it's totally worth your 5 minutes hearing.

i promise.

that is just how much i love jaclyn victor.

okay that's it for now.

breezes and night greetings from the fresh new seventeen-year-old zhafri.

~toodles~*raises right eye-brow*

zhafri's life quotes : to lit light means to cast shadow. be wary.

cough and sneezes

2007-10-31T05:26:00.000-07:00

hello. its been a while.

fish!

i should have updated sooner, cuz there is a lot a lot of things that you peeps missed out.
ah heck.

some days ago i went out with my friends to kill time at the Jurong area.
then we suddenly decided to take the kids simulator ride which lasted for about 5 minutes. we went like crazy inside the thing, cuz we took the back seat and made a lot of noise, which made the kids in front look at us. it was like when popeye realised his huge arms were tumors, and that he couldn't speak properly because he had a stroke.

yesterday, i celebrated Hari Raya yesterday with the people of pjc, ate a lot(like seriously a lot) then got home at like 12 midnight. fortunately i took a cab with mario, nazri and illie to share the cost.

and so today i'm a bit sick. better than yesterday. still alive and kicking hard.

i'm currently chatting with leah and ibro on msn, playin the 5 word game.

we talked abot a purple prada cushion which grew facial hair and some very long finger nails.
and about a pink hairy underarms which had blue eyes
and that brad pitt worked out 10 hours a minute

God ,leah and ibro are so innovative lah haha.

*eats dunkin donuts and shall be back in about 5 minutes time*

i'm back.

oh dunkin donuts are like so the best doughnuts on earth lah...
okay i think that would sound familiar to my secondary school friends.

anyhow, considering how lost you people are after reading what i've written down above i shall move on and talk about....hm...

*thinks*(for some time...)

well. i think i'm a bit brain-dead right now.

i shall be baking cookies with my Project Work group members tomorrow to give the oral presentation examiners. it's not bribery, it's just a token in appreciation fo mickey and disney.

let's just see how tomorrow turns out.

and the day of my oral presentation exam, which is on this friday.

till then, keep smiling peeps.

chao.

bye*raises eyebrows*

zhafri's teaserz : shampoo and body shower gels come in all sorts of colors. But why is it that the foam always turns white for all?

love again....

2007-10-21T07:34:00.001-07:00

hey blog.
and peeps.

sorry i broke my promise about posting "the 13 people you meet in college".

i'm not really in the mood to do those kinda stuff rite now.

i just feel like i need someone.

someone to be there for me, while having me doing likewise at the same time.

i dunno...i juz don't know what kind of person would i want.

i mean, i apologize if this post is just like any other post that talks about love and wanting a partner and all those sad love-related stuff. i dunoe..... i guess....

i guess everyone needs some love. haiz. it's just life.
just the way it works.

i can't really figure why this issue suddenly popped out in my head, but i guess it's part of who we are.

argh, cut that crap.

i suppose everyone is selfish. everyone wants love. security in love. that's why there's jealousy. that's why there's break-ups.

that's why there's sadness.

but. but that's just who we are.

we seek love, get it, then get hurt yet again.

maybe it really is a myth, true love.

and that is what people look for, even if they find it a myth. because they'll just be happy to go in search of this myth. although we never really get close to it at all, we all just want to seek love that's close to true love. that's why we humans are selfish and stubborn. we never stop looking for it. because we know.

we know that our search for this myth, is worth our whole lives.

we go on searching. and knowing. thinking.

simply believing

that our true love is somewhere out there.

zhafri's life quotes : to truly love and be loved back, is a myth worth looking for.

another day of hari raya.

2007-10-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

hey blog!
haha, actually i had intended to publish a post yesterday, but got too tired to do so.

yesterday i went out with my family to some secluded are in Teban(well Teban is secluded) and from there proceeded to Chai Chee to visit my other uncle. I kinda put on a black face throughout the whole visiting thingie, cuz i had already intended to go out with my friends, until my father made an abrupt change in plans to visit relatives(which, undeniably is half of singapore itself). We then argued quite a bit, since it's not my fault, cuz i can't just cancel my plans with my friends just because of some abrupt last-minute decision. I debated for my rights whilst my father continued yappeding and rambling about me doing unjustice to family by putting friends in priority, which was clearly not my intention. No matter what i still just find it inept to have just made that decision and disregarding my plans altogether, like it was some piece of rubbish.

sigh.

well, it's part of the tradition we teens face in Hari Raya.

nevertheless, i still managed to drop by with the gang and joined in their hairi raya visits to friends alike. at like, 8 plus? anyhow, i stil went out with the peeps and walked around abit, smiling at every sign of green packets in each house. The last house for the day was my house. Then we started taking strange pictures at the lift lobby of my floor. Well at least the day turned out fine.

well, new day, new life.

today, i have no arrangements with my friends and would have no reluctance to follow suit in my old man's cars to go around Singapore in visiting my relatives and sorts.

lessons learnt :
1) make proper plannings to avoid any black faces.
2) fight for your grounds, even against your parents if you find yourself right.
3) don't be scared to challenge anyone's authority, whoever they may be.

well, I haven't got the juiciest gossips as yet, but keep tuning to itzjuzlife.blogspot.com and watch out for the next post, where i'll be touching on

'the thirteen sorts of people you meet in college life.'

you can know where you stand after the next post.

till then, keep smiling peeps!

zhafri's teaserz : if Darwin's theory of evolution is true, why do we not see the apes in the zoo turning into humans?

AFRESH! ANEW!

2007-10-18T04:25:00.000-07:00

heLLO blog haha.
new post, new year, new life.
everything changes doesn't it?

and soon i'll be a new person.
a new hot stuff entering pj come year 2008.
I WISH(ed)!!!!!

haha. but nevertheless i'd no longer fancy any stale and emo posts.

afresh...

so. for updates.
i brought 3 types of hari raya cookies for manjeeta, su yin, nicole and the rest. But turns out they didn't come to school. oh what the heck, so i passed the goodies to the rest of the class, and now even the container is missing. heck.

anyhow, i thought asked rani a meaningful question earlier today. whether love was really a two-way relationship. he claimed that such a case is rare, occasionally appearing in some drama-mama korean series or hindi moveis where they roll about in flower fields and sorts.

so i suppose i can say that real love is rare.
the sort of love i see nowadays usually fall under 3 main categories.

for social satisfaction:
meaning a couple only goes into a relationship in deeming themselves satisfactory in the eyes of the society. Otherwise they just seek to be in a relationship just for the sake in being in one. so called being complete, having a partner in their teenage years. many deny it, either unknowingly falling in such a category, or simply in self-denial. usually this sort of love the couple feel is rather subtle, mild, not as deep as the actual nature of love itself.

in modest fulfillment of love:
meaning to just love because someone loves you, even if one may find displeasure in doing so. i suppose these people's resolve are very much admirable. to return love to those who love you. takes quite a bit of courage i reckon. these peeps are usually not so picky and would just deem themselves satisfied after being loved by someone, regardless if the love they return is sincere or otherwise.

for physical presence:
ah.
these people tend to seek satisfaction in a relatisonship, just physically, meaning they just require their partner for physical presence, a form of support. a sort of resting wall, to lean upon in times when they deem their partner uselful. in more vague terms, just for physical company. but generally these people don't aim to pick and dump their partner, they just seek the one thing all humans seek on earth, more than physical presence, and that would be emotional security.

generally, based on experience of myself and mostly on pre-occupying myself in the pleasure of critical analysis and evaluation of other people's relationship, i have reason to believe that the three things people generally seek in an honest relationship would be:

to have someone there to be with you
to have someone who understands you

and most importantly

to know that your partner loves you in return, thus giving you that sort of security.
it's great to know that, somewhere in his/her heart, you know i'ts meant for you.

well, i can't really figure out why all those stuff sort of came out from me.
well, i hope it gives you readers out there a bit of a picture as to where you stand in your relationship. you don't have to abide to what i say, i can just be some other fellar blogging about love.

up to you.

but i know.

i know you know what i mean.

hence i trust you know where you stand.

till then.

bye(raises eye-brow)

zhafri's teaserz : if you dig a hole in the north pole, all the way to the south pole, would you appear head first or leg first?(considering you can get through alive in the earth's core)

2007-10-10T02:03:00.000-07:00

hey. it's been a while blog.
sigh.

i dunoe, but today didn't turn out very good.haiz. i dunoe......

i juz feel...i dunoe...sad..i guess

maybe it's cuz of the mounting disappointments i had today. But, even so, it wouldn't be an excuse accounting for my stale, more on the downside feelings today.

i dunoe. maybe it's also cuz i, haiz....i juz...get very disheartened when i sorta get screamed at, or being scolded. especially by my friends. maybe it's just due to my lack of brains, being dumb and blur and all.

on my way home, i was like, i felt as if my throat was stuck, really stuck, like it was sobbing inside. my heart felt like it sank. sank deep to the pit of my stomach.

sigh.
maybe i'm just being over-sensitive.

yeah, that's it. over-sensitive. too emotional i guess.

sigh.

what's with life.

well, i guess. it's just life.

just the way it works.
okay.... till then.
be happy blog.

hanging on there.

2007-09-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

hey blog. It's been a while hasn't it.

okay, so quite a whole load of things happened since i last updated.

my maid's left.
she went back home already.
my family took some time to recover from it.
i'm still staggering to do stuff on my own.
even my mom was crying on the 1st day my maid left. No question i did likewise as well. But what can i do. It's quite hard not to be emotionally attached to someone who has been there for five years, doing everything for you, and now you're left stranded.
alone.

lost.

sigh. But i suppose i can manage. Though it's quite difficult coping with life now, especially with promo exams looming around the corner, and revision still incomplete.

anyway, my hp isn't workin. I tried borrowing my father's, but it too had it's own share of problems. Tried my mom's, and it too isn't functioning very well. To think that things could not possibly get any worse. Now i'm stuck in my room, blogging while my phone is fiercely rebelling against being switched on. My father has already hobbled off to work, leaving me stranded with my mom's phone( which isn't helping very much considering none of my contacts turned up in her phone even though my SIM card is already in it.)

okay so that's two of the things on my unbelievably-bad-situation list.

the third one is promo exams.
i was considering to retain in year 1, since i don't find the significance in advancing to year 2 without knowing what's going on, considering my weak foundation.
but, if it be that way i won't get to be with my friends(assuming they all move on to year 2, which is of course what i pray for them)

sigh.

i feel like quitting.
QUITTING.

from all this blabbering nonsense.
to just lead life simple and peaceful, easy-going.
to be able to smell flowers without being allergic and sneezy.( not that i am allergic.)
to lead a meaningful stress-free life(which would mean a cleaner non-pimple-invaded face)
to be able to laugh with friends everyday.
to go home and reside in the comfort of my home and cuddle in the arms of my family.
to be able to feel secure.
to feel safe.
to feel
jus not what i'm feeling right now.

lost.
stressed.
fucked up.(pardon my language, cuz i've only barely used vulgarities around 15 times in my life.)
relentlessly helpless.
pained in the mouth(due to my ulcer)
flu-stricken
dumb
hopeless.

But i know i must push on, and that's that.

The harder the battle the sweeter the victory.

God give me strength.
cuz i'll need it.

badly.

ps: and i still have yet to link all those other peeps.

2007-08-19T06:56:00.000-07:00

hey blog!!!!

haha i'm quite over my ec (eye-candy lah alamak) already. not because i'm disappointed or anything, just that i'm not expecting anything in return out of having liked her.

i already got to know about her liking and being liked by another guy in my school like 45 years ago, accounting for the reason as to why i wouldn't want to expect anything in return from her part of this crush.

Anyway, now that i've grown to learn about her real character, everything seems to shape differently.
She having a big mouth? Nah. I have a bigger mouth, and a sharper tongue.( and a whole branch of gossip mediums mind you).

Right, moving on. So tomorrow is Manjeeta's birthday. I didn't know what to get for her, so i went to this oddly-named shop( something land if i'm not mistaken) and got a whole heap of candies and stuff for her. Well, at least it's better than getting her a wrapped tomato.

Oh yeah by the way, that time when me, Liyana , Illie and Ika went for this meeting at some SMU hall thingie, we kinda took pictures and miraculously
( observe that i use the word miraculously)
my face turned out
(and the word is in bold by the way)
oddly good-looking.

oh my GOD i AM turning narcissistic!!!!
but i'm not self-centered.
am i?

OMG!!

okay the OMG is getting a bit too annoying.

anyway, humph. no flying tomatoes today. Well maybe they're not in the mood to go around floating tonight. But i thought i did saw cats flying around my block though.

okay, so yeah. Nothing new and interesting. Not yet.

Not unless i can get my hands( or hair ) on something juicy to brag about( why hair? ) on the blog( i have no idea myself ).

till then, sleep tight blog. and you you I-don't-know-who readers you.

ps: what is it with me and tomatoes, especially flying ones.

2007-08-04T05:47:00.000-07:00

the nights' company

she was tall
she was fair
of whom has long silky black hair.

a face once of pure innocence
now tainted with devilish mockery

to live a life that has none to live for
or more correctly, to live a death

her pale, fair skin
compliments her bloodshot red eyes
filled with emotions that has run dry
but still clinging on to a world not hers.

the staleness of the midnight's breeze
the ominous serenity of the moon
the uncertainty of being safe
walking back

alone.

for that is what she feeds upon

her deathly pale complexion
likened to a waxen image

thou shall not be comforted
by the very thought of such presence
such clinging bitterly cold gothic presence

walking alone at night
who knows when thy

might just be lucky enough

to have

some company.

2007-07-16T05:47:00.000-07:00

hello blog!

it's been quite some time since i've made any post.

anyway, life hasn't been very pleasant during the past few weeks or so.

hmm, let me recap.

the process of ppp productions have given me more scoldings than i have ever received in the past 16 years of my life.

i haven't been getting enough sleep.

i lost my whole file which contains my mid year papers, my homework, my class managerial stuff, and a whole load of other stuff which iz equally important.

i've made a bad impression towards my teachers.

dang i thought i saw a tomato flew past behind me for the 2nd time in my life. oh okay well anyway.

i have been sloppy throughout the past few days.

i have got a lot of things to settle.

i failed three subjects, passed three subjects for my mid years papers.

i have no idea about econs lecture and concept, accounting for my absence from skul 5 times for on reason or another.

i have a whole lot to catch up in my studies.

okay, so now about being lonely.

my granpa passed away around one week back.
my maid shall be returning home at the end of this year.
my eldest brother is in National Service and returns only on weekends.
my 2nd eldest brother keeps coming back home late at night.
i have always been coming back home late too, due to my rehearsals and stuff.
by the time i come back home everyone is asleep.
then i wake up the next day to shower then go to school, only to come back when everyone is asleep again, and the cycle goes on.

talk about being lonely. depressed.

and screwed up.

it's okay zhafri, you just have to live life for the good food and people.

ps: i still can't figure out why a tomato would fly past behind me as i blog.
pss: maybe even tomatoes eavesdrop these days.

2007-06-26T07:30:00.001-07:00

hello blog. i don't think i'm in much of a good mood right now.

i've realize that there are some who treat my like an old piece of rotten rug or something. meanwhile there are others who suggests intonatively and verbally that i'm a hypocrite.
maybe it's just part of life.

okay so i suppose it's of no use to tell people the truth and be thought to be a hypocrite. to think that trust was supposed to be very helpful. and i thought you were amongst the few that retained my trust and where i retained yours. i guess the world is just to fair a world for me.

till then, i won't be angry.i'm never the one to hold grudges.

sad.

i'll just be sad.

sad to know such things.

i'll just be happy for what you have to believe in.

life. again.

2007-06-19T01:21:00.000-07:00

humph...herlow blog. im listening to larger than life right now. Had the sudden urge to get it suddenly. that aside.hmmm, i feel guilty about not having the 4e1 class outing. but then, there are people who wants to go but yet can't. I can't just let those people not come you see. its a class outing. responsibility is forever heavy.

okay, so let me grab an issue.hmmm...

okay. yesterday i had gp mid years. i thought i did pretty much okay. hopes it turns out as prognosticated. huh, what? prognosticated? oh it's just a word i used in gp essay. huh? oh. ah heck, i don't know what it means either.

i had chemistry exam today. it was difficult. fullstop.

humph...let me go get a drink 1st. soya bean or ribena? okay fine ribena FAT CHANCE. i love soya bean better.

back.
ok yeah so anyway. oh fish! i dropped my famous amos cookie. hang on.

err, nevermind. the ants can eat up the crumbles later.

right. that aside.

i think i have to organise an outing still with those 4e1 people who wants so. maybe just a simple dinner after collecting the o level cert. perhaps on a weekend.
god willing, let this plan turn out well.

for once.

or perhaps more than that.

till then, see ya blog.
i need to attend to my garfield.

fatme.

ps: ika said i've grown a bit fat OMG!!!!! i can like fly to the moon three times before feeling demoralised for mid years again.

pss: nicole said my bag was cute. god bless her.
i've got taste. haha. shut up ibro.

2007-06-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

well hello blog. i suppose i feel an itsy bit emo rite now. considering the fact that im listening to emo songs perhaps. well, itz juz life.

anyway, updates.

well, i have ppp to settle. it actually stands for white box festival, but the malay version. it's a play us students have to organise, direct, set and act out ourselves, but with the guiding voice of our very helpful mentor.

so tomorrow should be the last time we are re-changing the script, as well as finalising it. well , let's hope things work out well for the 7th script then.

argh! stupid mosquito bite, so itchy!!!

okay well anyway. i just happened to realise that....haiz. the things people would do. i just don't understand why. it may not be obvious to the rest, but it's so damn obvious to me, though the aimer may not seem to notice. so the four letter word(not the bad one)really does hurt if you're in it's game. you may not know what i'm talking about. but, it's just life.

maybe it's because of me myself. yeah it's quite true, and understandable even by me. perhaps cuz im not so good-looking, ugly even. then im not a very macho sort of guy either. i'm not that convenient guy who wears shades and is like surrounded by 12 girls. neither do i have an attractive personality. yeah im conscious of all these things. i just tend to realise that no one deserves me for who i am. seriously. i don't mean to be emotional about it or anything. but, i just don't happen to think i am good enough for anyone.

and perhaps i never will be.

ever.

after some time....

2007-06-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

okay hello blog!!!

i juz realized that i havent been updating.

okay lemme wrap, class outing cancelled, debate iz done and over with. HAH
And finally abit lesser stress for me.

okay, but i don't think it's going to be that bad. i'll be having another outing anyway, maybe a movie, perhaps hide and seek god knows what.

hmm. i kinda miss my 4e1 grss friends.

hmm, let me pick out an issue.

okay, so my old friends said i have changed. and when i asked they say

in some way, very hard to explain.

and i suppose that is presumed was meant to make a lot of sense to me.
have i changed really? for the better or for the worst? am i more bitchy? hmm.maybe i have grown more bitchy. maybe its the politics of jc life that forced me to be so. to defend myself perhaps. im SO going to be over the moon if i manage to come out alive after the jc years, not to mention appearing unharmed after promos.

haiz.

anyway, what else can i say.hmmm. im staring at my collins dictionary book right now. and there is an ant crawling up the top right hand corner. okay its gone, maybe it went to find more bread crumbs.

mid years will be coming after june hols. but im still in no mugger mood. i don't feel like studying still.

no!

zhafri you love studying and you will do so or you will die. sighs....

okay then. i suppose that is all i can say for now, not till i can get my hands on something juicy.
till then i suppose i can ponder upon why mr bean fell to earth in a beam of light. that'll entertain me.

i think.

anyway,
chaoz.

2007-05-24T05:42:00.000-07:00

ARGH!!!! I've FINALLY got a proper blog. erherm. allow me to start my first official blog posting proper.

i realized that jc is more than just a couple of students wearing thick glasses. a lot A LOT of BOILING chemistry is veiled beneath the smiles, giggles and faces. i used the word veiled because it may seem obvious to some but very minimally subtle to others. argh! im turning into a paranoid literature student!!
enough about word to word explanations zhafri......

well, not to mention about politics as well. haiz, i can like babble all day about how unseemingly dangerous any social circle can be in my life. in anyone's life.
In a jc life.

anyway, well i like to use the word “anyway” anyway.

oh yeah, well anyway, again.
enough about all that stuff.

i always stick to being neutral, on the fence, but its impossible to maintain for long, because the fence is like, sharp you know, and to sit on it's middle,

ouch

it hurts practically and literally. so i still have to come down on one side at the end of the day. but i try not to. as long as possible. but i don't know how long i can hold.

however, i may not be as gullible as many may think. i b!tch only where and when necessary. But if i know of people b!tching about me, like it once hapenned in secondary school. im not gonna hold back.
i have a big mouth for a reason.
oooo, i like that, i sound so serious. but seriously, i can be silently hazardous(i sound like some toxic fume).anyhow, ask my friends if you don't believe me. push me too far and mr bitch will come, unexpectedly
ominously.
in silence.

SO,
don't push me.

really.

don't.

2007-05-24T03:45:00.000-07:00

omg....there is like a whole bunch of problems in me getting a proper blog... how come others get to like blog so easily and im STUCK without a tagboard and i CAN'T WIEW my template....

oh god am i not meant to blog or something, or have i been cursed.

or maybe im just damn unlucky.

maybe. who knows.

ah dang!

hopefully i can get on blogging properly soon enough.

hopefully.

soon.

huh?

2007-05-23T06:02:00.002-07:00

okay hang on, lemme like do sumthing proper before my com starts emitting smoke or sumthing... wads tat smell...OMG! ERM C U LATER!

huh?

2007-05-23T06:02:00.001-07:00

2007-05-23T02:44:00.001-07:00

hello

....

credits to ziana songs.

a very VERY long post.

long looong post.

no fingers. just being general haha.

wish for angst.

nailed it.

oh what a blue moon event.

juz being random

sick. sick of it.

10 things.

la di dum dum dum....

dreams.........

check it out!!!!

distant images. distant sounds.....

well well well

*cough* and *sneezes*

love again....

another day of hari raya.

AFRESH! ANEW!

hanging on there.

life. again.

after some time....

huh?

huh?

cough and sneezes